Roller coaster metaphors get used a lot in life – overused really. But, I feel that it’s the best way to describe where we are right now. We are at the top of the roller coaster, waiting for the drop. We are on the ride, have made the climb, and are sitting right next to each other fully aware that the crazy part is going to start.
We know it’ll be worth it. We’ve made leaps before, but being fully aware it’s about to get scarier is a weird place to be in. We know that no matter what, everything will get immeasurably bigger and more complicated than it is has been up this point. There will be dips and twists and turns, bile rising up and breathless shouts and giggles escaping. We know we will get off the ride, exhilarated - maybe a little whiplashed and nauseous, but glad we went on and perhaps even run immediately back into the same line to do it again. Or, with new-found bravery and pride in ourselves, rush to the next bigger, scarier ride knowing it’s all worth it.
That’s where we are in this whole starting a family thing. I wanted to start writing about it here on the blog because it’s an exciting new adventure, and because I don’t think our kind of story gets told enough. You hear all the time about people just getting pregnant “accidentally” or after the first month of trying. On the other side, you can find a lot these days about struggles with infertility, miscarriage and grieving loss. But, not many are telling the story in between.
It can be very isolating here at the beginning stages. When you know it’s not easy for you to get pregnant, but aren’t necessarily devastated about it yet. There is little said about the couple who has had multiple thoughtful conversations about whether or not they want a family, and now that they know they do, are not exactly sure what that will look like yet or what options are right for them. There is little said about the couple who is in the middle of fielding all kinds of questions about when they’re joining the parenting ranks, or advice about what doctors to see or books to read, or well-meaning comments like “It’ll happen.” Well it might not, and it doesn’t always, and what’s next then? It’s important to me to tell this part of the story, our story.
We already know we are not the type to just wake up pregnant one day. This is proving to be more complicated than originally thought. There is also this gnawing, this twisting and prodding to adopt growing more intense. Either way, whether it’s having a child biologically or through adoption, it’s going to be a miracle, and miracles aren’t often easy. They’re only a miracle because they’re sitting right next to something hard, maybe something that seems unbearable even. Miracles aren’t miracles without the twists, turns, and dips that make your stomach drop and your face numb.
So that’s the hard part right now; sitting on the top of the roller coaster knowing that it’s about to get real, and it’s going to require making some tough decisions, facing new fears, and hanging on tight.
photo credit: SvartVitt via photopin cc