Yesterday was my sister Kelli's birthday. I have taken to writing about special people in my life as their birthday comes around, but I was sick yesterday. So a day late, I will still take advantage of the oppotunity to tell you about one of my absolute favorite people on the planet.
There is potential for a connection in a sister relationship that is like no other. We always got along pretty well as kids, but we are 6 years apart, so now that we're both adults we are much closer. She looks just like me, (minus quite a few pounds) with lighter eyes. She is quite literally my Mini Me. She rents our first home from us back in Wisconsin, and it is the best full circle feeling when I go back to visit and we sit and talk for hours in the living room that has been home for both of us. We sit with pajamas and coffee on her couch, laughing hard and flashing our matching big teeth as our eyes disappear into nothing but squints with tears rolling down our round cheeks.
Being the oldest sister, I did everything first. I had a boyfriend first, and drove a car fist, and I distinctly remember her sitting on my bed watching me put on my makeup or taking a picture with me before my prom in her soccer uniform. I felt admired and looked up to.
But, I don't think she realizes how much I look up to her now. She is gorgeous with the perfect little shape, and her hair always looks amazing. Whatever she is thinking immediately shows on her face, and nobody looks cuter pregnant, or in a hat and big earrings. I watched her become a mom first, and I've never been so proud of anyone as I was when we came to see her at the hospital just minutes after my niece was born. She was weak and tired, but I just remember thinking she was so strong, and I was in awe of her content smile. For the first time, I could see myself becoming a mom someday, because she had done it. She is expecting her second little girl next month, and I can't wait to spend some time watching her be the incredible mom that she is to another tiny bundle.
When she came out to visit me for the first time in Arizona, it made sense to get my first tattoo with her. In sisterhood, I think you are able to hurt for each other and feel for each other like in no other relationship. Growing up together you share some of the same hurts, the same difficult life experiences and the same happy memories, but you see them through a different lens. So we combined our two birth flowers, a marigold for her, and a pointsetia for me, and got matching tats! She had done this before, so I looked to her as she kept me strong while I broke into a cold sweat waiting on the red leather couches of the tattoo shop.
That same week, she also gave me the final push I needed to put teaching on hold and pursue writing full time. We sat downstairs after everyone else had gone to bed, and I told her how awful the school year had been, and how I just needed to suck it up and was resigned to try again the following year. But she told me like no one else could have that I wasn't myself. She said I seemed tense and was quite frankly being a bitch to my husband. So, with the encouragement of her "if not now, then when?" reminder, I went to school the next day and told them I wasn't coming back the following school year.
Kelli's transition into adulthood has not always been easy. She had some rough teenage years, and she has struggled with and continues to struggle with very real and difficult things. It's not my story to tell, it's hers, and she's doing it beautifully and bravely on her new blog. I have worried about her, and cried with her, and prayed for her, and I know sometimes she feels like the black sheep, and that we are all waiting for her to screw up or to break. For me, it's really just the opposite. When she got married, I ugly cried my way through a maid of honor speech, because the only thing that would come out was just how proud I am of her and the beautiful little family that she has created.
So Kelli, my message to you for your birthday is this...
You can do it. You are enough. You are capable of more than you realize. You have already accomplished more than some people will in a lifetime by becoming honest and reflective. Many are never willing to hold up that mirror. Keep writing and creating and asking for help when you need it. Just know that you are so very loved, and I am incredibly lucky to call you my seeeester!
