LADDventure

Nightstand Reviews - May 2014

Besides the books we read monthly in the book club I'm a part of, I get all kinds of ideas on other things to read. Unbroken was a hands down favorite among my book buddies, so I decided to check it out. It is the incredible true story of a World War II POW. The book focuses primarily on the Pacific front of the war, and was absolutely fascinating. I realized as I was reading, that my knowledge of that part of the war was extremely limited. It's a lengthy read (500+ pages), but I literally couldn't put it down. I feel like anyone would like this book.

"Dignity is as essential to human life as water, food, and oxygen. The stubborn retention of it, even in the face of extreme physical hardship, can hold a man's soul in his body long past the point at which the body should have surrendered it."

 

The Handmaid's Tale was our May book club selection, and gave us lots to discuss. It's the story of a handmaid whose only purpose in this future dystopian society is to reproduce. It's poignant, even funny at times, and makes so many thoughtful social points about freedom, control, feminism, fear, all of the above. I really liked it because it raised important questions in the context of a very engaging story.

"Is that how we lived, then? But we lived as usual. Everyone does, most of the time. Whatever is going on is as usual. Even this is as usual, now. We lived, as usual, by ignoring. Ignoring isn't the same as ignorance, you have to work at it."

"Not a dandelion in sight here, the lawns are picked clean. I long for one, just one, rubbishy and insolently random and hard to get rid of and perennially yellow as the sun. Cheerful and plebeian, shining for all alike."

 

 

 

This one! Wow, wow, wow! Must read it today. Like now. Finish this blog post, and then go read it. It's also lengthy, but well worth the read. The Poinsonwood Bible is the story of a naive Southern Baptist missionary family who go to the Congo in the 1960's, and get caught up in the revolution taking place. So many profound points on imperialism, Western exceptionalism, faith, culture, family, racism, all set in the beauty of Africa told through the voices of the four young daughters of the missionary. I found myself reading quotes aloud to Mr. Ladd while he was trying to fall asleep. It's just beautifully written and fantastic, and I highly recommend it.

"For every life saved by vaccination or food relief, one is lost to starvation or war. Poor Africa. No other continent has endured such an unspeakably bizarre combination of foreign thievery and foreign goodwill."

"Listen. To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know. In perfect stillness, frankly, I've only found sorrow."

 

Currently on my nightstand

 

I don't know how I managed to make it out of school without reading The Giver, but I'm in the middle of it now, and loving it. An easy read and an intriguing story.

Mr. Ladd and I are going on a trip to Key West soon, so I purposely bought and am saving A Moveable Feast for the trip, since Key West was a favorite spot of Ernest Hemingway. Hoping to tour his house, and meet some six-toed cats! Can you say book nerd?

Delancey, is the second food memoir by Molly Wizenberg. I just love books that mix stories with recipes, so this one has an honored spot on my kitchen counter in actual hard cover form.

Hope you've found something new for the beach or back porch this weekend. Happy reading!

(Click on any of the covers for links to the book)

The Photo Challenge Next Door-May

Camera settings: aperture-f5.6, shutter speed 1/60, ISO 800, focal length 55 mm

This photo was taken during an evening happy hour in the backyard with my boys. This is Mico. I was intentionally trying to take more pictures of him, as Buddy tends to be the more photogenic of the two. It turned out a little dark, but I love that it captures his intense stare and perfect little spade-shaped ears. I'm starting to understand more about using available light. The sun had pretty much set at this point, and I was still able to capture this, (something I never could have done a few months ago). I also love how colors are so much more vivid and true to life when shooting in manual mode.

My next door neighbor, Kelsey, and I are determined to conquer DSLR photography once and for all, so we've created a monthly photo challenge for ourselves.  We’re dusting off our trusty DSLR’s, switching them to manual mode, and not looking back. The only rules are to shoot only in manual mode, and to share the results no matter what. You can check out all my photos so far here, and Kelsey's here.

Also check out our latest episode of The Girl Next Door Podcast. We're sipping on the tasty rhubarb margaritas I wrote about yesterday, while lamenting the early onset of swimsuit season and discussing social media! You can also find us on iTunes. We're fun commute companions, I promise!

Dessert and a Drink Rhubarb Recipe

Desserts and drinks are two of my very favorite things. So, when I find a two-for-one recipe that yields not only a cocktail, but also tasty treat, I just have to share. When it involves rhubarb (my pumpkin of the summer) I have to share immediately.

This recipe involves making a rhubarb thyme simple syrup and then turning the leftover cooked down rhubarb into a crisp. It's perfection on two levels, and very easy. I stumbled upon a new blog recently, called Cider & Rye. Michele shares beautiful cocktails and recipes made with fresh, simple ingredients, and takes lovely pictures of them. What's not to love? Her instagram feed is so pretty and inspiring, and I just knew this rhubarb deliciousness needed to happen when she posted a picture of it.

I made it for an upcoming episode of The Girl Next Door Podcast and shared some crisp with Kelsey, but then immediately made more for Memorial Day weekend. It's that good.

The margarita recipe involves first making a rhubarb thyme simple syrup (which would also be tasty in iced tea or lemonade), but leaves you with tasty reduced rhubarb compote, which makes the perfect base for a summer crisp. So, I'm sharing both. Cook once, enjoy twice.

Rhubarb Thyme Margarita

(adapted from Cider & Rye)

Simple Syrup

• 6 C chopped rhubarb
• 2 C of sugar
• 2 C of water
• one bunch of fresh thyme

Combine all in large saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the rhubarb is fork tender.

Pour mixture through a strainer lined with cheese cloth (I found cheese cloth at Target. Sounds fancy, but it's not.) Let gravity do the work of separating the liquid from the compote. Save and set aside the compote.

Pour cooled simple syrup into bottle with a fresh thyme sprig and store in fridge for up to two weeks

Margaritas (makes 2)

• 3 oz tequila (I used Hornitos)
• 2 oz orange liqueur (I used Cointreau)
• 4 oz rhubarb thyme syrup (see recipe above)
• 1 oz fresh lime juice (about 2 limes)
• a small bunch of fresh thyme to muddle and some for garnish

Rhubarb Crisp

(adapted from Bread & Wine, by Shauna Niequist)

• Cooked down rhubarb compote from making simple syrup
• 1 1/2 C Old Fashioned Oats
• 3/4 C almond meal
• 3/4 C unsalted, raw sliced almonds (pecans are also great)
• 1/3 C Olive Oil
• 1/3 C Maple Syrup
• 1/2 t salt

 Add compote to a 8x8 or 9x9 pan.

Combine all other ingredients in bowl and top the compote with it

Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes

Serve alone or with vanilla yogurt (breakfast) or vanilla ice cream (dessert)

Five Minute Friday - Close

They say it's supposed to tear you apart, that it often does. Infertility can divide, then conquer couples in a sea of doctor's appointments and finger pointing. It can reduce ultimate intimacy to schedules, charts, and graphs. But, for us it's been the opposite. Infertility has brought us closer as a couple more than anything else in our relationship. It was like the boat we were on was obliterated, and instead of each clinging to our own piece, we clung desparately to each other, taking turns kicking and treading water when the other one was too tired.

We knew from the beginning we didn't want to go down the invasive fertility treatment route, and our options were extremely limited anyway. So for us, we had no choice but to hang on tight and swim toward another solution, adoption. Now there's no room for blame, and nobody's shortcomings are highlighted. We're just swimming and staying together, knowing that there are more storms on the horizon, and we'll need to kick in unison. We're close to parenthood and each other, and both feel great.

This post is part of a link-up over on Five Minute Friday, where we sometimes put down our red pens, just write for 5 minutes, unedited, and see what happens. Join us!

 photo credit: RobW_ via photopin cc

Different Kinds of Adoption

When we first started looking into adoption, we quickly discovered three very different paths to choose from. I didn't necessarily understand these very distinct types of adoption, and have found in conversations since we announced our decision to adopt, most people don't. So I thought a quick run-down of the adoption options might be helpful.

Most adoptions in the U.S. fall into one of these three categories: domestic infant adoption, international adoption, or adoption from state care. Each option has it's own set of pros and cons, and are very different processes. So, our first step was to decide which path was right for us. Here is some general information about the differences.

Domestic Infant Adoption - Adopting infants who live in the United States through private adoption agencies or independently (depending on state law). This typically involves birth parents choosing adoptive parents, adoptive parents bringing their children home as newborns, and some sort of open adoption arrangement for contact with birth families in place. Families for whom a newborn is the top priority typically choose this route. The cost averages anywhere between $5,000-$30,000+ depending on agency fees and requirements. The process can takes months or years, all depending on when you are matched with a birth mom.

International Adoption - U.S. citizens adopting children from other countries. Specific requirements and policies vary greatly depending on the child's birth country. Travel is usually required, and some countries require an extended stay by the adoptive family in the birth country. Many children adopted internationally are being raised in institutional care in orphanages. The cost averages between $8,000-30,000+ depending on the country and agency.

Adoption from State Care - Adopting children from the public foster care system by foster parents, kin, or adoptive parents chosen for those children. This is our path! Children in state care have been removed from their birth families due to some type of abuse or neglect. Children are placed in foster homes, with the first goal being reunification with their birth families. The hope is for birth families to make the improvements necessary to provide a safe, loving home for their child, allowing the family to remain together. If that becomes impossible, and parental rights need to be terminated, the goal becomes finding the child a permanent family. Sometimes they are then adopted by their foster parents or other family members, but sometimes (like in our case) they will be placed with families who are waiting to adopt children legally free for adoption. So we are not becoming a foster home at this point, but are looking to adopt children from the foster care system. Children available for adoption are typically older, due to the length of the process necessary to terminate parental rights. The cost averages $0-$2,500. This is important to note. Due to tax credits, and state subsidies, adopting children in foster care typically costs next to nothing financially for the adoptive family. Most people think all adoption is expensive, and it is often cited as the reason for not considering adoption, but that's simply not the case.

What's the Same?

Despite these differences, there are some similarities to keep in mind...

No matter what, adoption is born out of loss and trauma in a child's life. It is traumatic to be separated from your birth mom, even if that separation happened at birth. It is traumatic to be removed from your home country and culture, and it is traumatic to survive abuse or neglect and be removed from biological and then foster parents with whom you've bonded. Loss is a part of an adopted child's story, which should be  respected and protected.

No matter what, adoptive parents have gone through a long, exhausting, emotional process to add to their family, and they need support. Sometimes people are unsure about how best to support an adoptive family, because their needs may be different than other expectant parents. It is a life-changing event no matter what age your kids are when you first meet them, and no matter how you become a family. Adoptive parents might really need a home-cooked meal, or a shoulder to cry on. But most of all, they would love for you to share in their excitement.

No matter what, adoptive parents are real parents. Adoptive parents have all the legal rights and responsibilities of biological parents. They experience all of the ups and downs of daily parenting, with a few extra challenges potentially thrown in. They are parenting the best they know how, just like any other parent. They are working to raise responsible, healthy, happy individuals in loving families.

photo credit: Crystl via photopin cc

In Alignment

I went back to the chiropractor this past week, and immediately wondered why I ever stopped going. For me, going to the chiropractor regularly is very closely related to how I'm taking care of my body. It holds a special place in my heart. The first time I ever went was at the end of my last year of teaching, when I had hit my mental, emotional, and physical limits. I had been out of school for three days because I could barely turn my head, with so much pent up tension and pain in my neck.

I sat in her office for my initial exam as she asked me general questions about my health, stress levels, weight, etc. and tears just started rolling down my face. I hadn't realized how many symptoms I was experiencing until that moment, and it was a lightbulb turning on to what my body was trying to tell me. I realized it wasn't OK or normal to feel like this all the time, and that I could do something about it. I started paying attention to and working with my body, and making some serious life changes to get in alignment and stay that way.

I felt amazing, but then I stopped being intentional. I stopped reminding myself I was a living, breathing being and paying attention to that person. Busy stepped back in as the familiar enemy and excuse. We got hard news, I was writing a book, and I stopped making going to the chiropractor a priority. Not coincidentally, I stopped making other things a priority too, like making healthy food choices, and exercising consistently, even doing my hair and makeup regularly. My default under stress is to stop taking care of myself, to crawl inside my yoga pants and baggy t-shirts and hide under a messy bun, pretending I don't care.

I flew through a fascinating book, Women, Food, and God a few months back, and a few things have stayed with me and started to change how I view my body. While I didn't connect to everything she had to say, the author's overall message was how (especially as women) we are so disconnected from and disdainful of our bodies. We do things to them instead of for them. We try to change them because we hate them, not because we love them. We punish, deprive, or ignore all together. We feed ourselves crap, and wonder why we're starving. 

It's a lesson I'm continually learning, how much my mind and soul are connected to my body. Living intentionally cannot mean living compartmentalized. You can't ignore one whole aspect of your being, but expect to be your best in other areas. So, I decided I did care. My weight had crept back up to that number I'd promised myself I wouldn't see again. My clothes weren't fitting, and I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I was tired, crabby, and unable to focus. So the past couple weeks, I've been focused and back on Weight Watchers, which works for me when I'm willing to be mindful. That's all it is, really, being mindful and consciously making choices. It's not about eating less of something, but more of the things that actually feed me. I'm moving this body and putting it to good use. I'm reminding myself that I'm young and capable-trying new things like biking, feeling clumsy and tired, but doing it anyway. I'm pushing myself to sweat and stretch; holding up my entire body weight in certain yoga poses, and focusing on feeling strong instead of on each individual pound.

This is a struggle I've written so much about here, and been back and forth with. But that's life, right? Continually reevaluating your priorities, and bringing everything back into alignment.

 

photo credit: by Janine via photopin cc

Next in May

It's May already, and I can't believe 2014 is almost at the halfway point! My allergies think otherwise, but the desert is just beautiful this time of year, with everything blooming. While it may just now be starting to feel like spring in your neck of the woods, here in Arizona it's basically summer. The days are getting longer and warmer, and we're hanging on tight to every cool breeze or cloudy day.

My theme word for the year is Next, both a reminder to take one thing at a time, and an encouragement to be open to new opportunities and set some goals. Each month, I take time to look ahead at what's next, so here's a peek at May!

Next in travel... We'll be staying home this month, but some great friends are travelling here! We're honored to be hosting two of our favorite couples from Wisconsin for a couple's vacation/bachelor/bachellorette weekend mid-May. The plans are shaping up to include a Friday night out in Scottsdale, a pool party on Saturday and golf/whatever the girls decide to do on Sunday. Really looking forward to it!

Next in writing...The book is with the proofreaders!  Round One of edits and rewrites is complete, and we are in the very final stages of getting the book ready to go.  I truly can't believe it, and am so proud of this book. I'm nailing down an official release date and other details this month, and can't wait to share them with you. Head over to The Candid Teacher and join the email list to stay up to date on book news!

Next in adoption... This is document gathering month. As I talked about in this post, we are gathering up all our important papers and getting things in order to start our classes next month. We're getting more and more excited to meet our kids and be a family of four (well six if you count the dogs, which we totally do).

Next in food... Unfortunately our swimsuit season starts a little earlier here than other parts of the country, so food has consisted of lots of fruits and veggies to get these thighs ready for the light of day. Operation Hot Mom is in full swing. More on this soon, too.

Next in faith... Still thinking on a great many things I'd like to write about here. I've had lots of really interesting conversations lately which have my wheels turning about what I believe and why.  But in the meantime, we are just absolutely loving the friends we've met through our small group at church, and can't believe we've only known them a year and a half. All that matters is God and people. I couldn't agree more with this statement right now.

What big plans do you have for this new month?