LADDventure

The Photo Challenge Next Door - July

Camera settings: aperture f5.6, shutter speed 1/60, ISO 800, focal length 55 mm

This photogenic guy! Buddy is one of my favorite subjects. Took this on a warm, poolside evening when the sun was almost down. I love how his ears stand out in this picture, and that I now know generally how to take photos in lower light that aren't completely blurry or black.

My next door neighbor, Kelsey, and I are determined to conquer DSLR photography once and for all, so we've created a monthly photo challenge for ourselves.  We’re dusting off our trusty DSLR’s, switching them to manual mode, and not looking back. The only rules are to shoot only in manual mode, and to share the results no matter what. You can check out all my photos so far here, and Kelsey's here.

Also check out our latest episode of The Girl Next Door Podcast. Kelsey makes a big announcement and we talk about all the ways life is about to change for the better.

Five Minute Friday - Finish

I think all parts of the process are hard. Just getting started is half the battle, persevering through the middle is the other half, and then finishing just seems to take a whole other 100%. That's what I've found in life. Finishing has always been the hardest part for me. I have great ideas and start down all sorts of paths, but rarely see them through to completion. I have a follow through problem.

I had a follow through problem.

That's what I am most proud of with this book, that it's actually finished.

I followed through, not just on finishing the book, but on accomplishing the goal I didn't even dare dream when I first started this idea that I could be a full time writer-when I walked away from my first love, teaching, to pursue this elusive idea of writing words in black and white that people would actually want to read.

One thing that's hard about teaching is there really is no finished. The work is never done. That's why summer and a fresh school year are so important to provide closure and an end goal. This was different.

This book is done, and there is still work to be done to promote it, but I know I will hardly be able to catch my breath when I hold this finished product in my hand. I did it. I finished. And, I'm more proud of that than I've ever been of anything.

This post is linked up with lots of other writers who set the timer, write for five minutes on a one-word prompt, and hit publish without editing every Friday. Check it out.

photo credit: Andrew_D_Hurley via photopin cc

What is a Podcast Anyway?

You may already know this, but one of my very favorite side projects is The Girl Next Door Podcast. I had never even listened to a podcast until we started to create our own, and thought some others might be unfamiliar with them as well, so I'll give you a quick rundown.

Who?

My next door neighbor and good friend, Kelsey from Rising*Shining and I created, produce and star in the podcast every other week. It really is just a good excuse for us to get together, try a new cocktail recipe, and talk about things we would anyway, but others seem to like it.

What is it?

Think funny radio talk show on iTunes. Podcasts follow all different formats. But ours is just me, Kelsey,  a cocktail, and a mic, talking about creativity, productivity, life, family and then our neighborhood news and current obsessions.

When?

New episodes air every other Wednesday at this point.

Where?

The cool part is, if you subscribe via iTunes and download the podcast app on your mobile device, it will automatically let you know when a new episode is ready. Just search for 'podcast' in the app store, install it, search for our podcast, and subscribe to ours and any others you'd like. If you have an android device, you can use Stitcher or OneCast to follow podcasts. You can also check in on our website where you can listen to episodes directly and view the show notes. Follow us on twitter and you'll always know when we have a new episode ready for you.

Why listen to podcasts?

There are times when you need something different than just music. I've found podcasts to be great for commutes or chores, and they're different than a live talk show. They're an entire digital file, so you can easily pause it and pick up where you left off or download whole episodes to your phone or computer and listen to while you travel.

How do you even record a podcast?

Luckily my partner in crime did a great blog series on the details of how we record our podcast. Check it out if you're curious how we do this thing.

P.S. Today a new episode is live where we talk all things pregnancy, adoption, and expectant mamahood. I share more details about how we decided to adopt, where we are in the process, how we're preparing, and what we're most excited and nervous about. I promise we're fun and a fairly entertaining way to pass the time while folding laundry. Download the app and go listen!

Get a Sneak Peek of My Book!

Hi family, friends, and readers (who are just friends I haven't met yet)! I am beyond excited to share my book with you all, and I want to be sure to invite you to be a part of my exclusive Candid Classroom Launch Team. Head on over to The Candid Teacher for more details and to sign up.

photo credit: SampleSizeOfOne via photopin cc

Just Sorry

I've been a bit of a wreck lately. Feeling raw, bare, frayed at the edges. This adoption process is more emotional than I was expecting at this point in the journey, taking classes and completing paperwork. It's all good stuff, to be processing what our kids are going through as they navigate the foster system, to think about our own family history and current family situations, and to begin to prepare to parent these littles. But, it's hard and it touches those bare wires of emotional nerve endings you may not have realized were exposed.

On top of that, I'm nearing the launch of my book, and feeling nervous, elated, tired... all of the above with plenty of promotional work ahead. After last week with something scheduled every night including three-hour adoption classes on two different nights, I found myself incapable of dealing with even the smallest of inconveniences or stresses. A monsoon made a mess of our outdoor furniture on the one day we hadn't prepared and brought it in ahead of time. Our cushions were soaking wet, and the wind shattered a potted plant and my nerves. Then we got two pool fence estimates yesterday and for some reason, discussing them with Mr. Ladd sent me over the edge. I snapped at him, irrationally yelling at him over the color of the fence. Hmmm. Clearly not about the pool fence.

So I told him to leave me alone, and sat sulking upstairs, contemplating apologizing and combining it with some explanation of my behavior when I realized there was none. I let myself off the hook, and decided to offer a much more sincere apology. Sometimes things are just hard, and we don't react well to them and there is no good reason. So I went downstairs with lowered defenses and said a simple, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. There is no reason for me to react like that, and I'm sorry." I am not usually the one to offer the first apology when we're not getting along. Mr. Ladd is a much bigger man than me in that arena. When I do offer it first, I often buffer it with an explanation of my feelings and how the whole situation could have just been avoided in the first place. But, I'm learning to just say sorry. Sometimes what you don't say offers the most sincere and honest apology.

Whose Story is This?

When you hear a difficult or tragic story about somebody, you can't unhear it. You can't forget about it, and although you may not treat that person any differently as a result, it always colors the way you view them. That story becomes attached to that person every time you see or think of them. "There's Susan. She just lost her mother in a car accident." or "That's Dan. He's going through a divorce right now." It's human nature.

I am a storyteller. It's my job. I think telling stories, even really hard ones, is important. But, the only stories I have permission to tell are my own. The ones I've personally lived, which belong to me, and only if I choose to do so. This is something I constantly remind myself, because I'm a pretty open book. I am an oversharer by nature, and need to always remember that my need to process everything out loud or on paper, doesn't trump somebody else's right to privacy.

We are in the process of becoming certified and will soon go on the Central Adoption Registry to adopt two siblings from the foster care system. Kids don't end up in the system, let alone become legally free for adoption-parental rights severed-without a really hard story. It's no mystery that kids end up in state custody for abuse, neglect, or abandonment. That will be an unfortunate, but important part of my kids' stories.

But, the details of that story are not mine, and will not be shared with anyone. I won't be sharing them on the blog, but we also won't be discussing them with friends, relatives, even very close family members. Mr. Ladd and I, and our children will be the only ones with that information.

Our job as parents in this situation is to be the keepers of those hard parts of our kids' stories - to keep them private and hand those stories back to them at a time when they are ready to handle the details, and able to do with them as they please. It's not fair of me to decide for them when they're still so young, that their story is up for public or even their extended family's consumption.

To be blunt, it's really nobody else's business, and there's no reason anyone else needs to know those details. One of our agency trainers was even telling us that among her grown children (two of which are biological and one of whom was adopted), the details of her adoptive daughter's past are only between that daughter, her husband, and herself. Her siblings don't even know the details about their sister's life before she joined the family, and they never will. It is important that things my children may have gone through don't become permanent labels in the minds of others, either consciously or subconsciously.

In the interest of privacy and protection, I also cannot legally share pictures of them or any identifying information online until the adoption is finalized (usually about 6 months after they are placed with us). I've been openly writing about this whole process, and will continue to do so here on the blog. Some things will just remain private. I've already decided to use psuedonyms for them on the blog, and will share pictures carefully when I am able. I can't wait to share all kinds of great stories from our new life together as a family, and from my perspective as a new adoptive mom, but I will always try to do so thoughtfully and respectfully both online and in personal conversations.

Adoption Update #3

Ok, it's been a while, but a lot has happened since the last official update!

So far...

We started our required PS-MAPP classes on June 2nd , two weeks earlier than we were expecting. The dates had changed, and due to a miscommunication, that meant they started over Mr. Ladd's work trip and our Key West trip so I had to go to the first class by myself, and we both missed the second one.  We have to make up a couple classes, but that's ok. It was an early lesson to double check everything and ask lots of questions in this complicated process.

So far we've had classes on shared parenting, loss & grief, attachment/bonding, and behavior management. They are helpful, but pretty intense, and definitely leave you with a lot to think about for a Monday night. We're meeting some great families going through it with us though. Some are adopting like us, some are fostering or foster to adopt, and some are kinship placements raising grandkids or nieces/nephews. We all have to take the same classes to be licensed for foster care or certified to adopt.

A bulk of the paperwork was due by the third class, so we spent an entire marathon weekend when we got back doing the intense portion of the paperwork, where we tell our whole life stories. Like for real. Anything you can think of is on there. One of the questions is "What was your parents' courtship like?"

References were contacted and are already turning in their lenghty recommendations for us. Thank you so much for taking the time and being so supportive if you were one of the lucky chosen ones!

We've been assigned to an adoption specialist (from the agency) who should be contacting us soon to set up our first meeting with her.

We're reading Healing Parents: Helping Wounded Children Learn to Trust & Love.It was the number one book recommended by our agency for learning about attachment and bonding.

We're starting to kid-ify our house. We're thinking about how things will be rearranged, purging things we don't need, and organizing as much as possible.

 

Next...

We have 7 more classes, plus one night for CPR certification. We're done with all of that on August 25th!

We'll be getting pool fence estimates this month. Joy! (sarcasm)

We need to make a photo book of our family. Get ready to say "Cheese," Wisconsin family!

While we're finishing up classes we'll have physicals, interviews and , a home visit, and a safety inspection to finish up our home study. Everything is then submitted and finished up, and the court has 60 days to certify us from the date we apply (last class).

This is the shortened version, and I'll be writing more in detail on some of these topics in the near future. Thank you so much for all your support and love. We need it, and are looking so forward to meeting our kids! I'll be keeping everyone updated via the blog since I'm sure I will run out of time along the way to individually share details with everyone.  If you'd like to follow along for what's sure to be an interesting story, make sure to sign up for all the latest posts by just entering your email address and hitting subscribe in the upper right corner of the blog.