LADDventure

Showing Up Creatively

"If you're not putting yourself out there, somehow risking rejection, you aren't really inspiring. You're performing."  - Jeff Goins 

 

Have you ever been working on your own thing, struggling through some sort of creative endeavor, and just become stuck?  More than stuck actually, paralyzed would be a better word.  I'm writing a book, but lately writing a book consists of generally avoiding my computer, even preferring cleaning the toilet over actually having to face that same troublesome sentence or half-finished chapter one more time.   So by writing a book I mean engaging in lots of negative self-talk, unwarranted criticism and general loathing of every word I type.

Creating something from nothing seems intimidating and like too much pressure, so I hide away.  I don't write, but I also don't cook, decorate, or take pictures.  I avoid making anything that I know I'll just be disappointed with later.  Even though great writing inspires me, when I get like this I don't even read.  I tend to avoid books or articles, especially ones on the same topic that I'm writing about, sure that mine will pale in comparison and they've already said everything I plan to say, only better.  Suddenly everything everybody else has ever written is Pulitzer Prize-worthy and my words are rubbish.  I find myself  amazed at the ability of other writers to finish a sentence or turn a phrase, and the actual completion of an article, blog post, or (gulp) entire book seems like an impossible feat to me.  I wonder, "How'd they do that?" even though I know deep down that they did it the same way I'm avoiding right now.  They did it by sitting down at the computer every day, forcing out one rough thought at a time, being accountable and vulnerable to share crappy writing with other people to get some constructive criticism.   They kept showing up, and they showed up enough times to assemble those thoughts into a finished product, completing what they started.

I get frustrated, knowing these things full well, yet still finding myself unable or unwilling to do them.  But then, weekends like this past one happen - I hang out with my brothers and their band and see them showing up, with migraines and no sleep and very little pay after nine years of trying to make this thing go.  And it's going, slowly but surely, it's going.  They are creating something, and following dreams, and showing up for what they were made to do.

I meet the other band who played with them this weekend and is even earlier on in the journey.  They are showing up after driving across states, in vehicles that need gas and with a baby along for the ride.  But they show up with unbelievable talent and creativity and such an incredible sense of humor and soul that it blows me away. Then they drive 19 hours back to their day jobs.

It wasn't just performing, it was inspiring because I knew what they were risking.  I knew how much work goes into what they do.  I knew they were showing up even when it sucked and they didn't feel like it, or were unsure of what would happen next.  It's easy to hide and not take the risk to create something because someone might be doing it better, or because it might not turn out the way you planned.  But, I'm realizing creativity and inspiration doesn't happen in one brilliant moment of perfection, but in showing up for all the not so brilliant ones consistently, working hard, and putting yourself out there.

I think this process of writing a book is teaching me a lot about showing up.  Thanks Citizen Way and I Am They for helping the lesson along.  You inspire me.

Here's a little video peek of their Arizona mini tour!

Love Is The Evidence

Image from citizenwaymusic.com

Citizen Way's album finally drops today!  I'm listening to it as I write and grinning big.  I bought a hard copy because I want to hold the finished product of so much hard work in my hands, but then I realized I wouldn't be able to listen to it until it was delivered.  So, I bought the mp3 version also!  I am so crazy proud of my brothers and the other brothers :-)

Of course I'm biased, and knowing the story behind the music and watching this process that started 8 years ago, has made me love this CD even more. That aside, it is catchy and positive but gorgeous and meaningful.  I have to admit that I don't typically listen to "christian music," outside of church.  I don't feel that it necessarily needs to be christian music to point to God who is all things love and truth, but this does just that. It is real and soulful, and love really is the evidence in every song and in these four guys!

Ben, David, Ben, and Josh,
Congratulations on dreams coming true.  I know the hard work this has been, and I am so excited that the world gets to hear it now!  It's been a crazy year, but I hope today especially you stop to savor every last bite of what God has served up.  You are beyond talented, and just keep loving well and taking the next step.  I'm so proud of you!


They are touring right now, and there are still a couple of weekends left to check them out live.

Go buy the CD on amazon, itunes, or their website!

Random Reading - Words

I have been immersed in words this week, and words were all I could focus on.  I set and stuck to a writing schedule and finished my first rough outline of my book project (mini squeal).  I dove into new books that I had been eagerly awaiting to devour.  I spent hours on profound blog posts that inspired, challenged, and said exactly what I felt.  Words were bookmarked, highlighted, read aloud at our kitchen table, forwarded to other people, and talked about over the phone.  Song lyrics were belted out full of tears and truth.  Words clarified things, illuminated things, put things in perspective, and I've been breathing and dreaming nothing but words this week. 

This weekend, Mr. Ladd and I will be celebrating our 8th anniversary in Arizona's wine country!  (Arizona  has a wine country?  Yup, I'll share it with you next week)  So, I thought I'd leave you with some weekend reading in the meantime.  I hope these words impact you like they've impacted me recently.

I can't stop talking about Bread & Wine, by Shauna Niequist for good reason.  I wrote about it here.  Buy it.  Put it on your kitchen counter.  It's beautiful.  It's a new approach to the table.

Carry on Warrior, by Glennon Doyle Melton also came out recently and wow...just wow!  Seester and I have been following her blog, Momastery, for a while now, and have our own little book club going on with this one.  I can't tell you how timely, real, and healing Glennon's words have been.

I came across this honest post in which Elise's husband had the perfect words.

If  The C Word (Christianity) has ever made you nervous or curious, mad, confused, you name it, read this blog post by one of my favorite new writers on the internet.

I am a fan of Dancing With the Stars.  There, I said it out loud.  Andy Dick's story about sobriety &  his daughter this past week was so touching.  His sincere and vulnerable dance to some of the most beautiful words ever written, "Hallelujah," by Leonard Cohen, literally brought tears to my eyes.

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/IM61qSfYDqk&source=uds

Speaking of words, my brothers were kind enough to unknowingly help me out today by punctually tweeting this lyric video of Citizen Way's latest single. 

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/D-lvu54wBOU&source=uds

To All Creators of Words,

Thank you for sharing them, fueling us, helping us breathe, and making us cry.
Keep writing them.

Sincerely,
Readers

Thankful Thursday - Pinching Myself

I am quite literally bursting with gratitude these last few weeks, so here are just a few of the things I am currently thankful for...

• Spring in AZ...enough said

• A kick start to my exercise level with an awesome visit from this lady last week.  We walked, we hiked, we yoga-d, we gabbed like it was a sport, and she called me out lovingly on thinking myself much weaker than I am. 

• The truth of "All Things," (a song off the new album which comes out the 23rd) from 4 of my favorite guys, Citizen Way, available for free download today!

• An incredible opportunity to write a book with Prodigal Press this year! Meeting (via Skype) the co-founders Ally and Darrell, made it so much more real.  I am crazy excited to work with them to make this book happen, and I literally skipped around the house incessantly Tuesday evening.

•  Getting real, community, and healing for people I love

•  These words from Joy in This Journey on the whole marriage equality debate.  Sometimes you read something that expresses your thoughts so exactly it makes you want to bookmark it, read it aloud, and share it with others, so that's what I'm doing.

• An upcoming 8th wedding anniversary with Mr. Ladd, and a weekend away complete with wine tasting and exploring new places to celebrate it!

Wordless Wednesday - Redeemed Tour Part 1

You might remember that my brothers are in a band, Citizen Way, with another set of brothers. Their second single off the new album is on the radio and itunes or amazon now!  Well they're also on tour currently with Big Daddy Weave and Chris August.  I interviewed them here about life on the road, and thought you might like this video glimpse behind the scenes by my brother David.

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/pw5qLepgKV0&source=uds

Citizen Way on Tour

I like to write about following dreams and doing exciting things with this one life we are given.  So along those lines, it's time for an update on the adventures of my brothers' band.

David is the drummer, and Ben plays bass, and together with Josh and Ben, another set of brothers, they make up Citizen Way. I've written previously about them getting signed with a label and hearing their single, "Should've Been Me," on the radio for the first time, and them visiting while in the Phoenix area for a few shows, but now they are on their first big national tour!  So, I thought I would ask a few behind the scenes questions to get their impressions of life on the road: 

Give us some info about the tour you are currently on.

We are on the Redeemed Tour with Big Daddy Weave and Chris August - awesome, hilarious dudes that we're glad to now call friends.

Tell us about your basic routine on a show day.

David:  Well, provided we stayed in a hotel instead of driving though the night, I get up about an hour before bus call to take a shower and then iron the living crap out of my poor clothes that have been rolled up into little tubes to all fit into my suitcase - gotta be crisp.  The days that I can't iron drive me NUTS.  Then we drive wherever we have to go, and after I'm done setting up my stuff on stage and sound check, I either retreat into my iPad or my Nintendo 3DS until show time.  I usually try to find a Chipotle as well so I can eat real vegan food and not starve.  Nighttime consists of getting FaceTime or a phone call in to Emily (my wife)....wash, rinse, repeat.

Tell us about a basic travel day or “day off.” 

Ben:  Basic travel day is a loose term since there is plenty of night travel. This tour in particular has some very spaced out routing. We can find ourselves packing up after a show and leaving a venue around midnight for a 9-10 hour haul through the night to the next city.
I’ve only had one day off, so I don’t really know what is typical. For Josh and me, in terms of the business stuff, off days are usually taking care of things like deposits, reports, and any other issues that might pop up.

You were signed with Fair Trade Services early last year, and it has been a crazy ride since then. What has been the most exciting part about this whole adventure?

David:  The most exciting part for me has been officially starting the career that I've had my eyes set on since middle school.  I have had professional musician tunnel vision since probably 7th grade.  I've never wanted to do anything else, and wouldn't allow myself to.  I am thrilled and blessed to be starting this new chapter!  It's literally a dream come true.

Ben:  It’s very difficult to narrow it down, but generally speaking, it’s exciting to know that you’re a part of what God is doing, and that what He is doing specifically involves you, your talents, and passions to reach people with the Gospel. Being a part of that big picture looks as different as the cities and people we’re in front of every night, but it’s the point of it all.

Unique circumstances teach us a lot about ourselves. What have you learned about yourself while traveling the country stuck in a van with 3 other dudes?

David:  I have learned that I love Red Bull.  I've learned that I'm even more OCD about personal hygiene (my own and others) than I ever imagined.  I've learned how much I am actually attached to my home, my wife, and my fat black cat. 

Ben:  No matter how well I know or like the people I'm on the road with, in our case actual brothers, space is a must each day. Whether it's grabbing a nap at a venue or going for a walk, it's
important for me to find solo time for things like calling home, praying, reading, relaxing. Without it,
it’s easy to start being very critical in your thoughts towards others for simply being themselves.

What is the biggest misconception you’d like to clear up about life as a signed and touring recording artist? 

David:  I think the biggest misconception is that we just get to play music and get payed lots of money for it.  At this stage in the game we play 15 minutes of music a night after a full day of travel and preparation.  The ratio of actually playing music to all the other work is crazy.  Since this is early in the game, we take on opportunities like this tour regardless of what little money we may or may not be getting paid.  I do it cause I love those 15 minutes every night dearly, and I know this is where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing.

Ben:  It’s not glamorous. It’s not easy. It’s not lucrative. It’s not a lot of what one might think, but it is great.  Like any pursuit, being an artist, whatever that means, is also a lot of thankless and unseen work and effort for mere minutes of the proverbial and literal spotlight.

Ok, now it’s time for the lightning round. Each of you give us a quick answer to these questions about life on the road:
Best thing…
David:  Having my job be to travel around and play concerts
Ben:  PLAYING MUSIC

Hardest part… 
David: Staying healthy and being away from my wife and cats  (huge animal softie)
Ben:  Being away from my wife and two girls….period

Something surprising…
David:  There are SO MANY CITIES that don't have a Chipotle.
Ben:  I thought I’d sleep more.

Worst thing you’ve eaten/drank…
David:   Fazolis ...ew
Ben:  Amarillo Texas trailer maintenance shop
coffee...wow. What was I thinking?!?!

Weirdest place you’ve slept… 
David:   Behind a decorative curtain up against the wall in a room that had just previously held like an Elks Club Lodge meeting or something weird like that
Ben:  It's a toss up between the floor of the green room in the fetal position, winter coat covering my face, and in the van in a random parking lot in Vegas.

Favorite tour stop so far…
David:  Oshkosh, WI because I had SO MANY friends and family there to support!
Ben:  I’ll let you know, still 30 some stops to go on this tour. I will say
however that I’m looking forward to the Northwest.  Portland was nice last time I was there, but our
stays are usually very very short.


Finally, when does your new album, Love is the Evidence, come out and what would you like everyone to know about it?

David:   I would like everybody to know just how much of a stink face I was making during every drum recording.

Ben:  The album is scheduled to come out April 23rd, and I would like you to know it’s for sale on April 23 and you should buy it….haha.  Seriously, we’ve worked very hard on the album, and are genuinely thrilled to share it with everyone, especially family and friends who have been so supportive.  Whether you're 15 or 50, there’s a song for you, and I would check it out…said the unbiased bass player.

FAIR TRADE SERVICES & CITIZEN WAY Inc.

Wordless Wednesday - Sometimes You Come Across a Treasure

Happy 30th Birthday Ben

Today my younger brother Ben turns 30.  He is only 2 years younger than me, so he was my first sibling, my first friend, and the first one I tormented.  When he was little, he was a shock of white blond hair, wild eyebrows and manic laughter as he ran around the house on his tiptoes.  As a typical older sister, I tattled on him and hurt his feelings, but fiercely defended him against all neighborhood foes at the same time.

Ben is passionate about everything he does and pursues things with an almost religious devotion to knowing all there is to know about that subject.  We probably poke too much fun at him for sharing all the knowledge he has found on said subjects at random moments, but the truth is I admire his wholehearted approach to life.  He is fluent in German, even living there for a short while, immersing himself in the language and culture.  He completely taught himself to play bass and is now a professional musician and signed recording artist with his band, Citizen Way.




 
He got married the same year I did to this lovely lady, and 7 years later, they have given us two beautiful nieces.



It has been amazing to watch him devote his trademark enthusiasm to being an incredible father and husband.  His family is missing him tons today as he is on tour, but I know their support means the world to him, and it is inspiring to watch them pull together and do hard things.  They are writing an incredible story on the lives of their family, and I am proud of them.

Intense is a great word to describe Ben.  He can't sit still, has no shortage of opinions, and is always hungry. But he's also loyal, principled, chivalrous.  He listens to stories with eyebrows raised, anticipating your every word, and he even laughs with intensity, his whole body convulsing and then crumpling to the floor in silent hysterics.

So happy 30th birthday, Ben!  Keep laughing, loving, and living with that intensity that is too often missing from this world.

Wordless Wednesday - This is Rock and Roll

This is my youngest brother David, and this is his default photo face.  He's the drummer of Citizen Way who is on one of their first big tours over the next few months with Mikeschair and Big Daddy Weave.  Check them out if they're in your area!

Wishing for Presence

I am like a busy squirrel this time of year, tangled in tinsel while I busily prepare my nest for winter.  I hunker down and furiously prepare for the holidays, and find that I have not written nearly enough.  So here's an update...

Thanksgiving flew by, along with the rest of November.  The fall decorations were put away, replaced by twinkling lights and trees. I ate numerous turkey sandwiches and reheated mashed potatoes while immediately decking the halls.  Guest beds have been made and then remade and relatives have come and gone.

The past few weeks have been full...

First, there was a bonus trip back to Wisconsin to meet this little lady...

Then, there was hanging out in green rooms with these guys when they were in Phoenix...

 

This room was literally green.  Bonus.

It was my brother Ben's first visit since we moved here, and it was so nice to hang out and show him our new home.  I absolutely loved the four days of tagging along for sound checks, watching them sign autographs, meet fans, and generally rock.  They have to be humble about it, but I don't!

They sounded amazing, and I am so excited for all that is happening for Citizen Way.  They will be down in Nashville recording the second half of the album the week before Christmas, then touring lots in the first part of the year.  The album is due out this spring!

Then, we hosted a very low key Thanksgiving with Jeremiah's brothers here at our place, which always includes grilling the turkey...

and watching this video multiple times...

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy-Y3HJNU_s]

 (If you haven't seen it, you're welcome.)


But sometimes in the midst of full houses, full plates, and full hearts, an emptiness is also highlighted.  This time of year there seems to be a lot of wanting and wishing mixed up with being painfully grateful for what you have at that moment.  Missing your family who lives too far away at this time of year, at the same moment that you are visiting with them.  Sighing over memories as you pull out old ornaments while wishing you had more red ones for the very same tree.  Shopping for others while adding items to your own wish list for Santa.  Resolutions and improvement sit next to reflection and contentment.

For the first time ever, we will not be in Wisconsin on Christmas day.  We are going back around the middle of December to have an early Christmas with my family.  Then, Mr. Ladd's family will be out to Arizona right after Christmas to celebrate. This means more quality time with family and friends overall, and that we'll get to be at our own house for Christmas Eve and Day with some time for ourselves.  But, it also means that things needed to be done earlier than usual and presents bought and shipped strategically.

I am so easily caught up in the holiday business, and I truly love nothing more than making Christmas magic.  However, I inevitably wake up one morning, like today, feeling more than a bit frazzled, with laundry piled up and packing for Wisconsin left to do.  I think of what's left to do, what I'm missing, and what isn't quite right.  The truth is, I need to stop scurrying and decking halls and snapping at Mr. Ladd, and start focusing on what I have and being present where I am before I wish for anything else.