LADDventure

Autumn Equinox

Summer can be a difficult time here in the desert. It feels relentless and unforgiving. We took our first San Diego beach vacation with the girls at the end of June, and it was a break from the heat and real life. But, in that small beach house with no errands to distract me and concentrated doses of family time, I came face to face with who I had become and just how outside of myself I had been for the past few months. It was a struggle to relax, a struggle to enjoy what I wanted be able to. At this point we were waiting on a decision on the birth parents' appeal to terminate parental rights, and assuming we wouldn't know anything until late in the year. But then we got an email from our lawyer that the birth parents' second appeal had been thrown out. I cried in relief at the leopard shark tank at Sea World when Jeremiah showed it to me on his phone, unable to even believe that this agonizing part of the process was over. There would be no more chances, no more appeals, and now the adoption could truly move forward. 

My parents came to visit about a week after we got back. During their visit, we heard about another potential bump in the road, and I lost it completely. I was at my end and could not handle another unexpected complication.  I couldn't see the good anymore. I felt wrung out and cried alone in my room leaving my parents and Jeremiah at a loss as to how to comfort me. I was just done. The potential complication ended up being a non-issue, but I remember feeling profoundly that I had let this whole process steal the joy of being a family from me completely. I read my parents this quote from a fellow mom who had adopted from foster care. For the first time, someone had accurately captured how I was feeling and how this process had deeply affected me:

"I cannot sugar-coat it.  The process was very difficult for me personally.  I don’t know that I can ever adequately describe what it was like to raise (him) as my own son for three years and wonder every night as I put him to sleep if he would stay in our family.  It was an extremely painful and stressful time in our lives.  As a new mom, that cloud of worry affected how I learned to parent, and caused me to detach in many ways. I am still working hard to overcome some of the parenting habits I developed during that season in order to cope with my fear of loss.  Adopting in this way was not hard out of inconvenience.  It was so much more than annoying social workers and intrusive home inspections.  It was emotionally traumatizing."

Kristen Howerton

When I should have been relieved, I was hanging on to the hurt, the fear, the relentless nature of this adoption process, and it was time to put it to rest. We were moving forward. We would be able to actually adopt our girls for sure, and I needed to move forward too - out of the guarded state of limbo and into my best self as a mother, wife, person.

Autumn always feels like a fresh start to me. This fall was no exception. As school supply aisles filled with fresh notebooks and football returned, I felt invigorated to set some new goals and take control in a new way as we entered my favorite time of year. As soon as the temperatures dip ever so slightly it's time to put summer to rest - to trade blazing long days for cozy predictability and a fresh perspective.

Fall is beautiful, but the crazy thing about the gorgeous colors is they are literally only visible because the leaves are essentially dying. The bright green chlorophyll fades away, and we get to see the bright golds, oranges, and reds that were there all along; unbelievable beauty made from dying leaves. Autumn embraces the fact that there's not enough water or sunlight to thrive and turns it into something amazing. It embraces dormancy and reminds us there's even a time for brittle brown leaves to be beautiful. You can be breaking down and still vibrant. It's ok to show up and be your most brilliant self, not in spite of your brokenness, but because of it. Like a tree, you just keep living until you're alive again. It is time to put the unrelenting heat of summer to rest. It is time to see the beauty, and love things just as they are in all their bright, brisk imperfection.

Soup of the Week - Vegan Black Bean

Every Sunday in October is soup day for me, and then I'll share my soup of the week with you here on the blog every Friday. It'll be like the Soup of the Day in some cozy little diner, only weekly and virtually.

This week's soup recipe was unearthed as I organized my dusty office. I had forgotten all about this gem from my lovely neighbor. It came from one of her favorite vegetarian cookbooks, and it was a hit. It's vegan (unless you can't resist some sour cream and shredded cheddar on top, which I couldn't), very easy to make, and oh so tasty.

Before we begin, a word about soup pots...I use this dutch oven, and I love it. (I have the 7- quart, but it looks like it only comes in a 5.5- quart now, which is plenty for most things.) It heats very evenly and I use it for everything from soups and sauces to pasta dishes and meat. It can go from the stovetop to oven and holds up to high heat.  The enamel coating is better because metal can make sauces and soups with a tomato base taste tinny.

Vegan Black Bean Soup (adapted from Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home)

• 3/4 C sun dried tomatoes
• 1 1/2 C finely chopped onions
• 3 garlic cloves minced
• 1 jalepeno minced
• 1/4 t cayenne
• 2 T olive oil
• 1t ground cumin
• 1/3 C water
• 2 (14 oz) cans of diced tomatoes (I used the fire roasted ones)
• 2 (16 oz) cans of black beans (undrained)
• 1/4 C chopped fresh cilantro
• avocado, shredded cheddar, tortilla strips or sour cream for topping (optional)

In a soup pot, saute the onions, garlic, jalepeno, and cayenne in the oil for about 5 minutes, stirring frequently until the onions are translucent. Add the cumin, water, and tomatoes. Cover and bring to a boil. Lower the heat and simmer, covered, for 5 minutes.

Chop the sun dried tomatoes. Add them and the beans to the soup and cook for 5-10 minutes longer, until the onions are tender. Stir in the cilantro and remove the soup from the heat. Puree half of the soup in a blender or food processor and return it to the pot. If the soup is too thick, add some water or tomato juice. Reheat gently. Serve with toppings of your choice.

Next in September

My theme word for the year is "next," both a reminder to take one step at a time, and to keep going when things get tough. To do the next right thing to move me toward the big goals and happenings of this year. So, each month I'm looking ahead to what's next.

I realized I hadn't done a "Next" post in July or August, which was both a cause and direct result of the chaos we've felt around here this summer. It was a summer of paperwork and PS-MAPP classes for our adoption, reorganizing our house, my book launching, and it was crazy. We are definitely feeling the effects of an emotionally charged, exhausting couple of months, and more than ready to refocus and turn the page to a new season.

It's September - the beginning of my favorite time of year! It may be 108 degrees today in the Phoenix area, but I am burning my autum candle and waving my fall freak flag. I'm beginning this season with a blank slate, some new goals, and perhaps a pumpkin beer of two. So I'm raising my glass and looking foward to what's next in September.

Next in travel... We were up north this past weekend, and were reminded once again how good the mountains are for the soul. The Jeep loved being on some gravel and under pine trees. We need more mountains in our life this time of year, when the summer has stayed long past its welcome. So we're planning a weekend getaway to the mountains soon, and a day trip to do some leaf hunting when the colors start to change up there.

Next in adoption... Our agency is finishing up our home study in the next couple of months, and we are getting kids' rooms ready. I'm purchasing paint this week, and will be sharing a mood board and room reveal soon! I also need to put together a family photo book to be included in our profile. So many pictures to choose from! Check out this adoption update for more details.

Next in writing... I now understand what authors are talking about when they describe the post book release slump. Since Candid Classroom came out last month I've felt tired, empty, a bit at a loss for words. But September has brought with it some new inspiration and renewed energy, so I'll be back to a consistent blogging schedule here and at The Candid Teacher, have been added as a contributor to East Valley Mom Guide, and am working on a few other projects I can't wait to share with you soon!

Next in food... This time of year always inspires me to get in the kitchen, try new recipes, and entertain. So look for more posts about what I'm cooking up, and who I'm feeding.

Next in life... Maybe it's the teacher in me, but September is like my second New Year. It's a time to start over and reevaluate goals and priorities. I am making my own well-being, personal growth, and health a priority, and being very intentional about enjoying time as a family of four (yes the dogs count) before life changes pretty dramatically.

**Check out the new episode of The Girl Next Door Podcast, where Kelsey and I are talking about Back-to-School Season, fresh starts, and a very creepy chair**

Fall Bucket List

Happy October! I know in cooler climates, there is talk of fall starting in September with its apples, and its sweatshirts, and its chill.  But, in the desert, October is what we wait for.  It's what we say to each other sympathetically to remind ourselves to be strong.  It's what we hold out hope for in August and September.  We survive the ridiculous summer to get to...October.  October means we can open windows at the bookends of the day. The temperatures are down and our spirits up, because we can go for morning and evening walks, and are not panting and dehydrated just from unloading groceries. 

The other night, Mr. Ladd lit tealights in mason jars and a big candle that smells like leaves to entice me outside, promising it was nice out.  We sat on the patio, finally breathing in some crisp air, and breathing out big sighs of relief.  We chatted and sampled multiple pumpkin beers, trying to decide what our favorite was.  I grabbed a light blanket, and Buddy burrowed underneath it, but I stubbornly kept my bare feet out, because they were cold, and I liked it.

Fall in Arizona is definitely not what it is back in Wisconsin, but we can drive to the mountains for a more traditional definition of autumn, or create it ourselves in the valley.  So fallification is in full swing around these parts.  I am making homemade pumpkin spice flavoring for hot coffee, huffing pumpkin and apple scented everything, and donning everything that sits still long enough with a leaf or a gourd.  So in the apple cinnamon-scented spirit of celebrating the return of double digit temps, here are my goals for this season:

Fall Bucket List

Decorate the house for fall/Halloween

Switch all candles and soaps to fall scents

Drink a hot pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks 

Make my own less fake version of PSL syrup

Discover my favorite pumpkin beer (So far it's Shipyard Pumpkinhead)

Go through my teaching supplies (now that the garage is cooler)

Make pumpkin bread

Plant some potted plants for the fall/winter growing season (yup, we have one of those)

Host our annual Halloween party

 Carve pumpkins

Watch a scary movie (only one, I'm a chicken)

Go camping

Go on a Leaf Hunt

Make this soup, and this chili

Celebrate Falliday

Make some sort of fall craft.  I'm thinking about these cute little guys

Finish a blog facelift, and introduce some new fun projects

Submit an article to an online magazine

Start and finish Christmas shopping before December

Finish my manuscript for that book I'm writing (holy crap)

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go devour a piece of apple pie I made last night from locally grown apples.  Fall can be found in Arizona!

Thankful Thursday - #thankfulliving

It's November!  The days are sunny and warm here in the desert, but once the sun goes down the nights are chilly.  I even had to put on socks last night as we snuggled up in jeans and long sleeves with every candle in the house lit to start watching Walking Dead after handing out trick-or-treat candy.  We are two episodes in, and I already get the craze and agree wholeheartedly by the way.

November is the month of thanks and gratitude, but it's also the kickoff of the busy holiday season and things can get hectic.   I've said it before and I'll say it again, living thankfully means paying attention to your life and choosing to enjoy it.  A few days ago, I connected with a fellow blogger living in Scotland through my blog!  Man, I love the internet.  She is doing a link up for this month that fits right in with my Thankful Thursday posts. Every day this month,  join us in an instagram challenge.  Take a picture of something you're thankful for that day and tag it #thankfulliving   It's a good excuse to spend a whole month being thankful and cultivating that habit.

So hello November!  We welcome you with your cool weather, cozy nights, and family time.  Bring on the turkey, the mustaches, and the early Christmas shopping!


Things I'm thankful for on this first Thursday of November:

• Dark fall nails painted in Revlon's Hot for Chocolate 
• A night in the driveway handing out candy with our neighbors
• Houseguests 2 weeks from today! My brothers and the band will be here for some shows in the Phoenix area!  I am crazy excited because I haven't seen them play in forever, and this will be Ben's first visit since we moved.  I intend on being a groupie all weekend.  More gushing proud big sister posts coming soon I am sure.
• A much lower electricity bill for the next few months as our poor air conditioner gets a well earned break
• A husband who makes me want to be the best version of myself

 Today I'm linking up over at Living a Listful{l} Life and Lovely Little Whimsy

Wordless Wednesday

Ready to Parrrrtay!

Mico and Buddy all ready for the Halloween party as a dragon and a knight!  They were both a little less than impressed with the whole thing.

For the second year in a row, we hosted a big Halloween party at the house this past weekend, and I just adore throwing a good party - especially a holiday one.  I have learned a few things about hosting parties, some that I need to constantly remind myself as I'm running around like a madwoman the day before and my husband is seriously rethinking the idea in the first place.  So I thought I'd share my top 10 tips to make hosting a party more enjoyable for you and your guests:

1.  Do as much ahead of time as possible. That way when it's party time, you can just put everything out and then mingle with your guests and not worry about it.  Cut veggies, make dips, and cook things that can just be reheated well before the party.  Baking can be done days ahead of time.  This spreads out your workload so you are not completely stressed the night before or day of, and it allows you time with your guests.  It is no fun to spend the entire night stuck in the kitchen.

2.  More is more.   I think it is better to put out a spread and have extra leftover than to run out.  I think I'm secretly part Italian.  Nothing kills a party faster than running out of food, beer, or ice too soon. 

3.  Clean up a little bit as you go. But, don't make guests feel like they are messing up your house, or that it's time to go by clearing everything away too soon.

4.  Lighting makes a big difference.  Think candles and lamps instead of bright overhead lights.  Adding twinkly strands of lights are also festive and create a much more inviting atmosphere.

5.  Create gathering areas.  You don't want everyone sitting in a big circle around the outside of the room, staring at each other like they're at a sixth grade dance.  Spread the food out and have plenty of places for guests to perch in smaller groups and set down a drink as they mingle.

6.  Everything doesn't have to be spotless.  For pre-party cleaning, focus on areas guests are going to be in the most like the bathrooms, kitchen, and main living areas.  Don't worry about vacuuming the guest bedroom and cleaning the garage.  I promise no one will notice the basket of unfolded laundry in your bedroom closet.  Don't wear yourself out. 

7.  Music matters. - Silence is awkward, but blaring music makes conversation difficult.  Create a playlist or Pandora station that fits the mood, and pay attention to the noise level.

8.  Provide options at the bar. - I like to set up our side counter in the kitchen as the bar, with some sort of specialty cocktail like a sangria or witch's brew (like this past weekend) already made.  Then I usually stick to a dark and light liquor option with mixers and sodas out in a 'serve yourself' fashion. Beer is usually stocked in both the outside and inside fridges.  I like to try to make the first couple of guests that arrive their first drink, and then encourage everyone to help themselves after that with ice, glasses, and straws all at the ready.  Don't forget non-alcoholic options and water bottles for guests to grab. 

9.  Be selective about asking guests to bring things. - Generally if I am hosting a party, I don't ask guests to bring anything.  I try to let them know up front what the plan is -  for example, drinks, appetizers, and dessert will be served.  That way nobody feels obligated to bring anything.  If you are having a more casual party or want people to help out by bringing something, I would be specific about one thing they can bring and have it kind of fit the theme...for example if you are having a wine and pizza night, ask them to bring their favorite bottle of wine to share, or for a potluck bbq maybe ask them to bring an appetizer to share.  But never ask them to bring more than one thing.  In my opinion,  asking guests to bring an appetizer, a dessert, and whatever they want to drink makes people wonder why you are hosting the party if they have to provide everything for themselves.  Remember they are your guests, and hospitality goes a long way.

10.  You set the tone.  A piece of advice our wedding D.J. gave us before our wedding was to remember that the bride and groom set the tone.  If you are out dancing and having a good time, everyone else will be too.  The same applies for parties.  If you are nervous and uptight or dull and tired, your guests will be too.  If you are welcoming and friendly, introducing people and having a good time, your guests will follow suit.

Thankful Thursday

At this moment, totally grateful for...

• Waking up to open windows on a chilly morning and burrowing deeper under the quilt 

 

• Finding these two beasts in their favorite morning spot, sunning themselves 

 

• Cold bare feet on the kitchen floor while drinking hot coffee 

 

• Wine and YouTube with Mr. Ladd last night, looking up random funny videos and crying laughing together 

 

• Ideas flowing for the children's book

Books To Cozy Up With

I wanted to comment on Hollywood Housewife's book post this morning, but I had too much to say for the comment section, so I turned it into a post of my own.  She always has the best book recommendations and has never steered me wrong. 

I'm realizing that a lot of what I've read recently is perfect for this time of year, so all of the following are great books for curling up under a blanket with something warm to drink.

 "I had learned early to assume something dark and lethal hidden at the heart of anything I loved. When I couldn't find it, I responded, bewildered and wary, in the only way I knew how: by planting it there myself."

I actually discovered Tana French's series of murder mysteries set in Ireland on the blog I mentioned above originally.  They are not something I would typically every pick up on my own, but they are fabulously written.  So far I've stayed up way too late reading In the Woods and The Likeness.  They are creepy without being too gruesome or cheesy and are definite page turners.  The third book, Faithful Place is next on my list.

"This is not magic.  This is the way the world is, only very few people take the time to stop and note it.  Look around you."

The Night Circus is Erin Morgenstern's first novel and I absolutely loved it.  The story was very imaginative and every detail was beautifully written. It was enchanting from the beginning, like a grown up fairy tale.  I don't want to spoil anything because it is a very mysterious story, but to give you an idea, it had the feel of The Prestige meets Water for Elephants.

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. " 

Ok, confession time...  I have never read any Tolkien.  But my brother, who was not formerly much of a reader until I forced Harry Potter on him, told me he rereads The Hobbit every fall because it's just so darn cozy. Well, being a sucker for seasonal traditions, and given the fact that the movie comes out in December, I made myself read it this year.  It was a little slow moving at first, but eventually I really got into it and enjoyed it. My brother was right.  It is rich and warm and makes you want to snuggle up by the fire with tea and cakes in your little hobbit hole. 

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”  

Another classic I finally got around to reading this last year was Jane Eyre .  I distinctly remember trying to pick it up around 13 years old and hating it.  However, a few years and a more developed vocabulary later, and I loved it.  It is dark and haunting, and ahead of its time, full of feminine hutzpah that I wasn't expecting.  If you have never read it, I would highly recommend.

What books are you curling up with lately?

Wordless Wednesday