LADDventure

Happy Birthday, Love

It's Mr. Ladd's 34th birthday today!  So I thought I'd share 34 things I love about this guy...

1. That smile, his real one, where his perfectly straight teeth show and his eyes sparkle and crinkle into happy little squints 
2. He's big, strong, and sexy!  I like 'em brawny :-)
3. His ability to fix things that I didn't even realize could be fixed
4. He never does anything half-assed
5. He's protective when it matters, but never jealous or overbearing
6. Such love for our little furry babies, Buddy and Mico
7. An intense curiosity about how things work and why
8. Makes a mean breakfast and anything on the grill
9. Organizational skills that would put Martha Stewart to shame
10. His fierce loyalty to friends, family, and me
11. He takes providing for our family so very seriously
12. He's crazy supportive of my dreams and goals
13. My favorite person to share a vacation, road trip, tent, or happy hour with
14. An intelligence that blows me away
15. A calm, gentle spirit that balances my stubborn, emotional one
16. He never has to be the loudest or the center of attention in a group
17. A drive to innovate and challenge and never settle for good enough
18. He usually says sorry first
19. He hangs lights and sets up multiple trees and indulges my holiday frenzy
20. That he was my first love, prom date, and groom all in one
21. His incredible work ethic, which is so inspiring to me 
22. Always so appreciative of a home cooked meal or folded laundry
23. He loves Jesus, and knows the rest of it just doesn't matter
24. He's my scorpion killer, car washer, and pool guy
25. His logic and practicality balances my idealism and imagination perfectly
26. His adventurous side when he shrugs his shoulders and is all, "F#*% it!  We'll do it live!"
27. Although practical, he has a side to him of grand visions and big dreams
28. He gives generously
29. Finds me most attractive when I'm independent and confident 
30. Him in a scruffy beard and a flannel on a fall day
31. His quick wit and sense of humor
32. His sleepy face when he's just woken up from a nap on the couch
33. He debates and pushes back and challenges me
34. The ability he has to literally bring tears to my eyes when I think about how much I love him, and how lucky I am to call him my husband

Happy Birthday Babe!  I'm so very glad you were born.

Things Worth Noting

I want to start by thanking you all for your kinds words after my post earlier this week about our starting a family.  It is so nice to be able to open up about it, and we really appreciate your support!  We're feeling very loved.

We are looking forward to sharing our story with you and exploring emotions, thoughts, and choices along the way from our perspective.  Infertility and adoption can be difficult, emotionally charged topics.  We know there are many paths to a family, and we want to be honest about ours, while being respectful and sensitive to the paths of others.  Any opinions are just our own, and our hope is that we can connect with others who have been there or are there right now, as well as to enlighten people who may not have gone through something similar to make our little corner of the world a more understanding place.

I want you to know that we're open to questions and conversations about this journey we're on.  I think there's lots of wondering about the right thing to say when someone is going through something like this, but simply asking how it's going and listening is a huge help.

I also want you to know that Mr. Ladd reads and approves the things I share here on this topic before I post.  Since he doesn't blog, and I speak for the both of us quite often, I am always respectful of sensitively sharing stories that belong to him too.  I understand that he and I may even be in different places about certain things, and that is ok. 

Overall, I want this to be a place of honesty.  I am probably an over-sharer, but I think it's important to tell the truth about hard things.  It makes people feel less alone, and helps us to put down our masks, and love and respect each other more fully. 

Have a great weekend, and thanks for reading our story.

The Bridge Between

This space has been pretty quiet lately.  Part of that is because much of my creative effort  has been going into the book project.  But also, it's because I feel like this blog, and our lives are in transition. I started a second blog, The Candid Teacher, as a space to try out content for the book, and build a community around the topic of raising and educating kids.  It's been awesome, and that has freed this blog up for more creativity and personal stories.

So speaking of personal stories, there are things I've been processing, and words I've been searching for to describe recent events in our life.  I want to share with you here as a way to continue to think out loud, reach out to others who might be going through the same thing, and share a perspective, while documenting our journey.

We got some hard news a couple months ago, the kind that knocks the wind out of you and has you gasping for air and answers in the following weeks.  We've been trying to start a family for the past year and a half or so, with no luck.  I had previously written a little about it in this post.  We finally decided to get some testing done to determine if there were any issues.  There is an issue, a major, unexplained one, which nothing really can be done about, and it sucks.  We are both completely fine from a health standpoint, but we found out it will be nearly impossible for us to get pregnant on our own.  Basically, the best chance we'd have would be to go straight to IVF (In Vetro Fertilization), which is something we had already decided at the very beginning wasn't for us.

It is one of those heart wrenching cases of not really knowing how much you wanted something until you can't have it.  There have been lots of tears and hugging.  We've gone to some counseling to process things out loud, and grown closer to each other in these past couple months than I think we've ever been.  And after much thinking, praying, and discussing, we will most likely adopt, and are looking at getting the process started after the holidays.

I realize this is the very short version of the story, and I'm planning on openly discussing more about infertility and adoption on this blog in the near future.  But, this is just a quick rundown of where we are right now.  We're kind of on the bridge between two worlds.  We're taking some time to research, process emotions, and make decisions.  It's also a great time to enjoy our carefree kidless-ness, and focus on some things we already have going on.  Even the timing of this book project is really kind of neat to me when I think about it.  I have this window of time to write a book about bridging the gap between the classroom and parenthood, while I'm quite literally transitioning from being a teacher to being a mom, hopefully.  So our next adventure is going to be a big one, and I'm looking forward to sharing the story of our path to a family in an authentic way in this space.

My Most Embarrassing Moment

I was inspired by Kaia over at Musings of a Musician's Wife to share my most embarrassing moment with you today.  Venture back with me, if you will, to the year 1992.  I was in 5th grade.  The year of awkward crooked teeth and an even more awkward perm.  The beginning of adolescence, when even the slightest mishap is cause for mortification.  Well it was the last month of school, and Field Day was upon us, which meant all day outside competing in various relay races and team events.  My 5th grade teacher Mrs. Ruined My Life Hansen would not let me go back in the building to use the bathroom despite repeated pleading on my part.  I really had to pee, but she would not give in. I'm sure you can see where this is headed, but click here for the dramatic/even worse than you're imagining conclusion.

Wisconsin Wednesday

July 3rd - 13th, I was back in the motherland.  This trip to Wisconsin was difficult at times.  There was a lack of sleep and lots of running around, trying to fit in time with everyone who we miss so much.  Things are changing and coming to an end, and there were tough conversations and messy situations. 

Sometimes it's hard going home because it can feel less and less like home each time, but then we spend a day on a boat in Lake Michigan, seeing a new side of the city where we grew up, or I sit on the front porch of our first home, watching my niece draw with sidewalk chalk on wet pavement, and it feels just right.  There were lovely moments, people, sounds, and tastes I miss. This trip was all of that.  I'm still catching up on laundry and writing, but glad for the items crossed off the summer bucket list and memories made.  

There was catching up with friends we miss dearly...

 

Family & Fireworks on the 4th of July...

Some were big fans of the pyrotechnics....

Others not so much

Midwest sunsets after perfect summer days

 

 Cool summer nights, rainy days, and sidewalk chalk

Until next time Wisconsin...love you.

Love Is The Evidence

Image from citizenwaymusic.com

Citizen Way's album finally drops today!  I'm listening to it as I write and grinning big.  I bought a hard copy because I want to hold the finished product of so much hard work in my hands, but then I realized I wouldn't be able to listen to it until it was delivered.  So, I bought the mp3 version also!  I am so crazy proud of my brothers and the other brothers :-)

Of course I'm biased, and knowing the story behind the music and watching this process that started 8 years ago, has made me love this CD even more. That aside, it is catchy and positive but gorgeous and meaningful.  I have to admit that I don't typically listen to "christian music," outside of church.  I don't feel that it necessarily needs to be christian music to point to God who is all things love and truth, but this does just that. It is real and soulful, and love really is the evidence in every song and in these four guys!

Ben, David, Ben, and Josh,
Congratulations on dreams coming true.  I know the hard work this has been, and I am so excited that the world gets to hear it now!  It's been a crazy year, but I hope today especially you stop to savor every last bite of what God has served up.  You are beyond talented, and just keep loving well and taking the next step.  I'm so proud of you!


They are touring right now, and there are still a couple of weekends left to check them out live.

Go buy the CD on amazon, itunes, or their website!

Random Reading - Words

I have been immersed in words this week, and words were all I could focus on.  I set and stuck to a writing schedule and finished my first rough outline of my book project (mini squeal).  I dove into new books that I had been eagerly awaiting to devour.  I spent hours on profound blog posts that inspired, challenged, and said exactly what I felt.  Words were bookmarked, highlighted, read aloud at our kitchen table, forwarded to other people, and talked about over the phone.  Song lyrics were belted out full of tears and truth.  Words clarified things, illuminated things, put things in perspective, and I've been breathing and dreaming nothing but words this week. 

This weekend, Mr. Ladd and I will be celebrating our 8th anniversary in Arizona's wine country!  (Arizona  has a wine country?  Yup, I'll share it with you next week)  So, I thought I'd leave you with some weekend reading in the meantime.  I hope these words impact you like they've impacted me recently.

I can't stop talking about Bread & Wine, by Shauna Niequist for good reason.  I wrote about it here.  Buy it.  Put it on your kitchen counter.  It's beautiful.  It's a new approach to the table.

Carry on Warrior, by Glennon Doyle Melton also came out recently and wow...just wow!  Seester and I have been following her blog, Momastery, for a while now, and have our own little book club going on with this one.  I can't tell you how timely, real, and healing Glennon's words have been.

I came across this honest post in which Elise's husband had the perfect words.

If  The C Word (Christianity) has ever made you nervous or curious, mad, confused, you name it, read this blog post by one of my favorite new writers on the internet.

I am a fan of Dancing With the Stars.  There, I said it out loud.  Andy Dick's story about sobriety &  his daughter this past week was so touching.  His sincere and vulnerable dance to some of the most beautiful words ever written, "Hallelujah," by Leonard Cohen, literally brought tears to my eyes.

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/IM61qSfYDqk&source=uds

Speaking of words, my brothers were kind enough to unknowingly help me out today by punctually tweeting this lyric video of Citizen Way's latest single. 

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/D-lvu54wBOU&source=uds

To All Creators of Words,

Thank you for sharing them, fueling us, helping us breathe, and making us cry.
Keep writing them.

Sincerely,
Readers

Thankful Thursday - Pinching Myself

I am quite literally bursting with gratitude these last few weeks, so here are just a few of the things I am currently thankful for...

• Spring in AZ...enough said

• A kick start to my exercise level with an awesome visit from this lady last week.  We walked, we hiked, we yoga-d, we gabbed like it was a sport, and she called me out lovingly on thinking myself much weaker than I am. 

• The truth of "All Things," (a song off the new album which comes out the 23rd) from 4 of my favorite guys, Citizen Way, available for free download today!

• An incredible opportunity to write a book with Prodigal Press this year! Meeting (via Skype) the co-founders Ally and Darrell, made it so much more real.  I am crazy excited to work with them to make this book happen, and I literally skipped around the house incessantly Tuesday evening.

•  Getting real, community, and healing for people I love

•  These words from Joy in This Journey on the whole marriage equality debate.  Sometimes you read something that expresses your thoughts so exactly it makes you want to bookmark it, read it aloud, and share it with others, so that's what I'm doing.

• An upcoming 8th wedding anniversary with Mr. Ladd, and a weekend away complete with wine tasting and exploring new places to celebrate it!

Wordless Wednesday - Redeemed Tour Part 1

You might remember that my brothers are in a band, Citizen Way, with another set of brothers. Their second single off the new album is on the radio and itunes or amazon now!  Well they're also on tour currently with Big Daddy Weave and Chris August.  I interviewed them here about life on the road, and thought you might like this video glimpse behind the scenes by my brother David.

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/pw5qLepgKV0&source=uds

When Mom Comes to Visit

My mom and dad were here from Wisconsin for their annual visit a couple weeks ago, and we celebrated my mom's birthday while she was here.  Her actual birthday is February 29th, Leap Day.  So, she only gets a real one every 4 years.  She's like the Olympics.  While they were here, we took a little overnight trip to the mountains so we could truly catch her birthday...that elusive fraction of a second between February 28th and March 1st where her real birthday lies. We showed them Prescott and Jerome, and stayed at the Prescott Pines Inn Bed & Breakfast, which is definitely a favorite of ours. 

My mom is my favorite coffee buddy and one of the few people I like to do some serious shopping with.  Usually I prefer to shop alone, but my mom and I have it down to an art form.  I have inherited her big smile, obsession with throw pillows, and her manic energy when it comes to decorating, especially for Christmas.

Something I've always loved and admired about my mom is her creativity.  She sewed clothes for us when we were little, crocheted, and seemed to always be making some project for the house long before the days of Pinterest. To this day the smell of Hobby Lobby - eucalyptus and unfinished wood - reminds me of the many hours I spent wandering amidst the fabric and art supplies at her favorite craft store.  Now she's pursuing art more seriously and has turned my old bedroom into her studio, and gifts from her almost always include something handmade.  She started it out of necessity I think, because it was cheaper to make clothes at the time, and she needed fresh ways to spruce up the house without spending much money.  I don't think she realizes the gift of creativity she has passed down to us.

While I miss my family back in Wisconsin almost daily, there are benefits to living far away and getting to spend a week at a time with them.  I love when they come visit, because I get to see a different side of my mom.  She got married and started a family very young and sacrificed a lot of herself at times to stay at home raising four of us.  It was probably just survival mode at times with us growing up.  But, she was commenting just how much she is enjoying being a parent now to grown kids.  She loves her new role as friend, advisor, and Nana.

We were sitting around the table talking the first day they were here, comparing the sunny morning to the snow back home in Wisconsin, when she told us how she noticed a snowflake land on her sleeve the other day.  She said it was the first time she had noticed one with the perfect symmetrical detail people speak of.  My dad and I were a little shocked that this was the first time she had ever noticed it, and she was saddened by the realization that she had missed so many magical snowflakes in her life.

My mom has been through a lot, and did not grow up in the best of circumstances.  It's exciting to see her at a point in life where she is really enjoying it.  I feel like she's seeing things with fresh eyes these days - parenting, art, faith, snowflakes, and I'm enjoying getting to know my mom in new ways from across the country.