LADDventure

Our Surprise Adoption Shower

Our friends threw us a surprise adoption shower last weekend, and it has taken me a full week to find the words to describe how much it meant to us! It was incredible. We are humbled and crazy grateful for friends who support us and are excited along with us in this adoption journey.

The shower was just perfect - a co-ed mingly gathering (like all showers should be in my opinion. Dads are parents too and should be included along with their buddies).

They were sneaky, and completely surprised Mr. Ladd. Although I suspected something, I was shocked at everyone who came to celebrate with us. There were new friends and old friends, neighbors, best friends from college, book club friends, and coworkers all in one place.

This meant so much to me personally in so many ways. For our friends to acknowledge this huge thing that is happening in our family was so important. When you're pregnant, a shower is expected. People wouldn't dream of not marking the occasion and celebrating the expectant parents. But, when you're adopting, especially older children from foster care, sometimes people don't know quite how to approach it.

But it's really simpler than you might realize, and this day was a perfect example of that. Casual, laid-back, with bright colors and fun snacks. Gather friends, some goodies, some drinks, and celebrate the fact that your friends are about to be parents! There was a big "family" banner, signs that said "Welcome Home," "You Are Loved, Always," and "Forever and No Matter What," perfect sentiments about adoption that bring tears to our eyes and will hang in the kids' rooms now. Everyone wrote us a message in the book God Found Us You, and brought sweet cards and gift cards since we don't know exact ages or anything. One friend included a game perfect for our age range of potential kids, and another included shot gun shells for Jeremiah (presumably in case we have a daughter). What a great way to help us as we anticipate going from two to four pretty instantaneously, and all the late night Target runs that are sure to come with it.

I'm going to be straight with you that one of the hardest parts about struggling with infertility, getting an actual diagnosis, and even deciding to adopt has been the "shower" issue. To be real, a baby shower is usually nobody's favorite way to spend a weekend afternoon. It's just not - especially the way it's typically done, with too much pastel, lots of cheesy games, and awkward gift openings. So showers have never been my favorite, but in the face of lots of uncertainty about whether or not we were going to be able to have kids, baby showers became excruciating. The pregnant belly, the onesies, the attention around the mom I might never get a chance to be, was really unexpectedly painful at times.

Then we decided to adopt, and a lot of that became easier, because I had this new positive, exciting change to focus on. There was no longer the question of if I become a mom, but when.  But honestly something that is still very tough for me is missing out on some of those "normal things." Because pregnancy is such a common experience for so many people, there is a lot of understanding and comradery among parents, and people don't feel awkward about it.  But with adoption, sometimes it's different. There's this feeling of "otherness" and unfamiliar territory that can be really isolating at times. Unless...Unless you have amazing friends who are willing to ask questions and do some investigating, unless they go out of their way to show you how supportive of your new family they are, how excited they are for you, and mark the occasion accordingly. And, that's exactly what our friends did for us last weekend.

This girl! Can't even tell you how grateful I am for her. So, Tara, thank you for hosting and putting together such an incredible shower. Thank you for being excited with us, and always asking questions and being interested. Thank you for listening and caring.  And, thank you most of all for being the kind of friend that makes us feel so loved!

Also it poured that day! Appropriate for a shower and also good luck, right?

Next in May

It's May already, and I can't believe 2014 is almost at the halfway point! My allergies think otherwise, but the desert is just beautiful this time of year, with everything blooming. While it may just now be starting to feel like spring in your neck of the woods, here in Arizona it's basically summer. The days are getting longer and warmer, and we're hanging on tight to every cool breeze or cloudy day.

My theme word for the year is Next, both a reminder to take one thing at a time, and an encouragement to be open to new opportunities and set some goals. Each month, I take time to look ahead at what's next, so here's a peek at May!

Next in travel... We'll be staying home this month, but some great friends are travelling here! We're honored to be hosting two of our favorite couples from Wisconsin for a couple's vacation/bachelor/bachellorette weekend mid-May. The plans are shaping up to include a Friday night out in Scottsdale, a pool party on Saturday and golf/whatever the girls decide to do on Sunday. Really looking forward to it!

Next in writing...The book is with the proofreaders!  Round One of edits and rewrites is complete, and we are in the very final stages of getting the book ready to go.  I truly can't believe it, and am so proud of this book. I'm nailing down an official release date and other details this month, and can't wait to share them with you. Head over to The Candid Teacher and join the email list to stay up to date on book news!

Next in adoption... This is document gathering month. As I talked about in this post, we are gathering up all our important papers and getting things in order to start our classes next month. We're getting more and more excited to meet our kids and be a family of four (well six if you count the dogs, which we totally do).

Next in food... Unfortunately our swimsuit season starts a little earlier here than other parts of the country, so food has consisted of lots of fruits and veggies to get these thighs ready for the light of day. Operation Hot Mom is in full swing. More on this soon, too.

Next in faith... Still thinking on a great many things I'd like to write about here. I've had lots of really interesting conversations lately which have my wheels turning about what I believe and why.  But in the meantime, we are just absolutely loving the friends we've met through our small group at church, and can't believe we've only known them a year and a half. All that matters is God and people. I couldn't agree more with this statement right now.

What big plans do you have for this new month?

Five Minute Friday - Friend

Jessica came for a visit. You know, the friend I told you about here.

She escaped the polar extreme of Minneapolis to soak up some sun and relaxation in the desert.

Everything was different and the same since last we hung out.  I'm settled here, and she's settled there, bringing a piece of her with to prove it - her beautiful baby daughter.

It was a girls' weekend of the best kind. Wine and painting nails and laughing until our faces hurt. But also memories, and deep conversation about marriage, faith, women.

Her drive inspires me, and I'd like to think my pace helps her relax. In some ways we couldn't be more opposite, but I sit and wonder how we've let so much time go between visits with this kindred spirit.

Sometimes on Fridays, a whole bunch of us write for five minutes, unedited, on a one word topic. This post is linked up here...

I needed it this Friday, to let go of the perfect of editing, and publish something unedited for the simple joy of writing and connecting.  Happy weekend.

Friends in First Places

photo credit:  LoveFeast Table

I had coffee with a new-ish friend yesterday. I've known her a little over a year, but she's one of those people who I've instantly clicked with and is good for my soul, because I feel like she just gets me. She moved into a new house a while back, and things have been crazy busy for her, but she just texted me the other day to ask me over for coffee. She's adorable, and so is her new house, and I was excited to get the grand tour and see how she's made it a home.  She showed me the dining room chairs she had just painted, and the top of the console table she planned to paint the same color.  I saw the spaces where she creates, where her children sleep, and had coffee in the kitchen where she has hers every morning. 

There is something sacred about inviting someone into your space.  One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, talks about how we have become 'the third place' generation.  We meet in a third place outside of one another's homes usually.  We tend to prefer the coffee shop, out for dinner, or happy hour drinks to gatherings at home.  But, there is something different and more true about meeting in our first places - in our kitchens and living rooms.  Inviting our friends to share coffee at the same table our kids do their homework after school, preparing a little something for them with our own two hands, or like my friend did, stopping by the bakery for two perfectly gooey cinnamon rolls to indulge in together while taking an hour and a half to talk about life.

It's not just that it connects us to each other.  It really does connect us to our truest and humblest selves.  Nothing humbles you like being vulnerable enough to share your dust bunnies and the inside of your fridge with a friend.  We have no choice but to drop our masks and leave perfect at the door, whether we're the one being invited in or the one doing the inviting.  I want my friendships to look more like this; real connection in real ways over simply being willing to let each other in.  So thanks for the coffee Kristin, and for the record, I didn't see one dust bunny and the inside of your fridge was lovely. 

This post is also included in the Gathered Thoughts Link Party.  All participating bloggers have shared a post based on a quote from one of LoveFeast Table's lovely Gathered Thoughts Box.  Head on over to check out the other posts, and enter for your chance to wine a Gathered Thoughts Box of your own or this great spiral journal set.

What's So Special About Valentine's Day?

Definitely not the mediocre chocolates in cardboard heart boxes. I could do without the commercial store bought valentines that kids trade at school, and don't even get me started on the chocolate rose which is neither real chocolate nor real rose. 

But there is still something special about Valentine's Day  in my opinion.  I think in our busy monotany of life it's nice to have a day set aside with the intention to love.  I don't know about you, but love takes a lot more intention than I realized at first, and we could all use a little help showing it more purposefully.  Of course it's not the only time you should show people you care, but what's wrong with a good excuse to do just that? 

Februrary 14th is more than just a warning to make that dinner reservation, or grab her favorite flowers after work.  It's a reminder to notice what you love about someone, to look for the good, to put in the extra effort.  Sometimes we need reminders to pay attention and recall the butterflies we had at the beginning and what still makes it work so many years later.  What's so special about Valentine's Day?  You decide.  Do a little something special for someone you love.  But, how convenient to have a heart shaped date on the calendar reminding us that those little special somethings really do matter.  Happy Valentine's Day!

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography via photopin cc

Introducing The Girl Next Door Podcast

It's finally here!  The Girl Next Door Podcast is now live on the internet and on iTunes. My aforementioned lovely next door neighbor, Kelsey, and I have pulled off a major technological feat and somehow figured out how to actually create a podcast!  On the show we try a new cocktail recipe each time, and sit down to chat about anything and everything.  We will share what we're sipping on every week in the show notes, so if you mix it up ahead of time and sip on it while you're listening, it will be like we're all hanging out!

We are having so much fun with this new project, and we'd love for you to join us.  You can listen to the show by subscribing to our blog feed and listening via the media player on our website, or you can subscribe in iTunes and automatically download new episodes.  If you don't have the Podcast app on your iPhone or iPad yet, (which I didn't before I had a podcast) install it from the App Store, and add The Girl Next Door to get you started.  Podcasts are my new favorite thing.  They're especially great to listen to while you're commuting, folding laundry, etc.  I promise we're entertaining, and at least you'll get to hear just how much of a Wisconsin accent I have in real life. 

We have a new one ready for you each week for the next few weeks, and then every other week after that.  So come on in, have a drink, and stay awhile! 

 

 

Grown-Up Mac & Cheese

I talked to my dear friend Jessica last week, barefoot from my big Arizona armchair, while she sat cuddled up in a warm sweater and blanket on her cozy Minnesota couch.  FaceTime is a beautiful invention.  It's so nice for connecting in a deeper way, to see all the familiar hand gestures and facial expressions, and to bridge the gap between Minnesota and Arizona while sitting in each other's living rooms.  We caught up and talked about kids; her two I haven't even met yet, and my two I haven't met yet either.  We talked about careers and our extended families, and had the inevitable weather conversations between a Midwesterner and a Southwesterner.

I've known her since we were both about 13.  We met in middle school.  She knew me before braces, before high school, before Mr. Ladd even, which is rare.  We laughed until we cried on countless summer afternoons, sleepovers, and church youth group winter retreats.  We both got our drivers' licenses and first serious boyfriends the same year.  We argued and debated, and challenged each other to be better as we figured out love, life, faith.  We drove to prom together, looked at colleges together, and were in each other's weddings.  We've been there for some of the lowest and highest moments of each others' lives.  Now we exchange texts and Facebook messages, but there is an irreplaceable connection with someone who's known all versions of you, who you feel you can be your truest self with.  

Adult friendships can be tricky. As we get older and settle into careers and families, I find this time after college and into our 30's the toughest time to maintain old friendships or make new ones. It's a big switch from the high school and college years of built-in social networks with you all day at school, and then on the phone all night.  It's much more complicated when plans aren't just a few feet away, down the dorm hallway with an open door.  Now we actually have to pull out calendars, check schedules, even hire sitters sometimes, for a chance to hang out.  Even a simple conversation sometimes just needs to be scheduled, so she and I have been making conversation dates. I've found it to be one small way to keep in touch with those long distance friendships.  Sometimes a week or two in advance one of us will send a text saying, "We need to catch up. Phone/FaceTime date next week?  What works for you?"  and we put it on our calendar.  It's better to just schedule a time when you know you have an hour or two to sit and truly catch up, because a quick phone call when you haven't talked in a while just never seems to cut it.

There are certain little things that never fail to remind me of Jessica.  Honeysuckle or cherry almond scented lotion always bring back memories.  Movies like Newsies and The Sandlot always recall memories of quoting our way through them more times than I can count.  To this day, I can't eat macaroni without thinking of Jessica.  In high school we used to drive her hand me down Toyota back to her house for lunch a couple times a week.  Sometimes it was boiling hot tomato soup, but frequently on the menu was her "homemade" mac and cheese. It was elbow macaroni with loads of melted butter and shredded cheese in the microwave, and it was so good. 

I came across a mac and cheese recipe a while back that immediately reminded me of Jessica.  It's a sophisticated, decadent, version with gruyere cheese and sauce made from scratch.  I've made it my own, and dubbed it Grown-Up Mac & Cheese.  It reminds me of my friendship with Jessica, and keeping in touch with old friends in general. Much like those friendships, it might be more sophisticated, and take a little more work than the Mac and Cheese of old, but it's good for the soul in the same familiar way.

Grown-Up Mac & Cheese

• 12 oz ziti pasta
  
• 4 oz bacon
• 2 T flour
• 2 C milk
• 6 oz shredded gruyere cheese
• 6 oz shredded fontina cheese
• 3 oz shredded parmesan cheese
• chopped chives

1. Cook pasta and drain pasta.
   
2. Fry bacon meanwhile over medium heat until brown and crisp.  Drain on paper towels.
3. Pour off all but 1 T bacon grease from pan.
4. Add flour to pan and whisk over medium heat. 
5. Pour milk 1/4 C at a time, whisking after each addition until incorporated and smooth.
6. Add cheeses in 3 batches, whisking continually and making sure each batch is mostly melted before addng the next. 
7. Stir pasta into cheese sauce.  It will thicken upon standing. 
8. Divide pasta among individual bowls or ramekins and top with bacon and chives.

How do you stay connected with old friends?  How do you set aside time to make and keep friends with busy careers and families?

Wisconsin Wednesday

July 3rd - 13th, I was back in the motherland.  This trip to Wisconsin was difficult at times.  There was a lack of sleep and lots of running around, trying to fit in time with everyone who we miss so much.  Things are changing and coming to an end, and there were tough conversations and messy situations. 

Sometimes it's hard going home because it can feel less and less like home each time, but then we spend a day on a boat in Lake Michigan, seeing a new side of the city where we grew up, or I sit on the front porch of our first home, watching my niece draw with sidewalk chalk on wet pavement, and it feels just right.  There were lovely moments, people, sounds, and tastes I miss. This trip was all of that.  I'm still catching up on laundry and writing, but glad for the items crossed off the summer bucket list and memories made.  

There was catching up with friends we miss dearly...

 

Family & Fireworks on the 4th of July...

Some were big fans of the pyrotechnics....

Others not so much

Midwest sunsets after perfect summer days

 

 Cool summer nights, rainy days, and sidewalk chalk

Until next time Wisconsin...love you.

Wordless Wednesday - Dog Friend vs. Cat Friend

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/4fsSAPyHxJI&source=uds

Five Minute Friday - Friend

That word is one that has never been easy for me.
To make, to keep, or to be a friend has always seemed complicated since I've become an adult.
For a while I just decided I didn't really need to worry about it.  I thought I could mostly replace that word with husband, family, work, food.
But then I have a conversation in the parking lot with a friend who has known me over half my life, while my husband runs in the store because I just want to catch up with her and we only have 5 more minutes before she arrives at her destination too many miles away.
I hike a mountain with another one and we match each other.  We look like we could be sisters, gasping for breath but so proud and pushing each other forward.
I get a happy anniversary and a congratulations text from another one, who the busy business of life has kept away from me too often, and it feels like home.
I snuggle another one's new baby and can't get enough of his perfect cheeks, and am oh so glad we happened to move in next door to them.
Friend was a word I wanted to be more intentional about this year, and it's working, and I like it.



I linked up today with Lisa-Jo Baker
after writing for 5 minutes and hitting publish. 
Join us!