LADDventure

9th Anniversary Negativity Challenge

I'm realizing I may have a problem with negativity.  It's not so much that I'm a negative person.  In fact, I'm actually quite an optimist and idealist overall.  My problem is more with negative comments, snide remarks, and criticisms flying out of my mouth way too easily.  I truly don't realize I'm doing it, but others do, and it's not my best quality.  I also tend to be pretty stubborn, so I've resisted the notion that I might want to actually do something about it - something to make myself more aware of it, and curb it. 

Then a few consecutive events happened:

I got into one of those general relationship disagreements with Mr. Ladd the other night, and he brought up again how irritiable I sometimes sound, and how critical I can be of him.  I resisted that idea for the most part, but agreed to pay attention to it.

Then this morning, my very first conversation with him was to dramatically complain I would get nothing done today, since he had (graciously) arranged for two A/C and water heater estimates, and the lawn guy was coming so there would be a few interruptions to my schedule.  He told me to go to the coffee shop or library then, but that he really didn't want to hear me complain about it.  He had a point.

I sulkingly turned on my computer screen, and the first thing I read was this month's challenge from Laura at Hollywood Housewife.  She is challenging herself to utter nothing negative for the month of April, and she's giving herself some incentive to do it. 

The next thing I read was this post about focusing on the good things from Kelle Hampton at Enjoying the Small Things, and this line punched me in the gut...

"My, how easy it is for all of us to give notice to the bad things--to add them up, to give them thought, to wait for them to happen and fear their arrival."

The universe clearly wanted my attention, and made me realize maybe I should start paying attention to this thing I don't realize I'm doing.

It's our 9th wedding anniversary on April 15th, and I thought it might be a great time to focus on being more positive, particularly in my marriage.  So I've created a no negativity challenge of my own, inspired by Hollywood Housewife's version.  I've filled a jar with wine corks. Many of the corks have memories from when we drank that particular bottle of wine written on them.  There's one from our honeymoon in Niagara Falls, and from the bottle we had on Valentine's Day, 2008.  They are great reminders of all the positive we have in our relationship. So, for every negative comment I make to or in the presence of Mr. Ladd between now and the 15th, I will move a cork over to the empty jar.  For every cork in the negativity jar, I will donate $5 to AZ RESCUE (an organization who rescues cats and dogs from euthenasia at the county pounds).  We normally volunteer with and give to this organization anyway, but this will go above and beyond, and come out of my personal spending budget.  Every cork left in the original jar, will be $5 toward treating Mr. Ladd to something special. 

While I think being real and honest is important, framing things positively often changes my perspective on them, and complaining or nagging is never attractive.  I often complain and make things more dramatic than they need to be in an effort to make excuses for my own behavior.  I also think I often save all of my negativity for my husband, so I'm focusing on my conversations with him at first.  I don't want to be known as whiny and critical. I don't want to be so easily sucked in to criticizing and poking fun, so I'm putting my money where my overly negative mouth is.  It may be a quiet month.

Wanna join me?  Need to work on something else?  Tell me about it.

Friends in First Places

photo credit:  LoveFeast Table

I had coffee with a new-ish friend yesterday. I've known her a little over a year, but she's one of those people who I've instantly clicked with and is good for my soul, because I feel like she just gets me. She moved into a new house a while back, and things have been crazy busy for her, but she just texted me the other day to ask me over for coffee. She's adorable, and so is her new house, and I was excited to get the grand tour and see how she's made it a home.  She showed me the dining room chairs she had just painted, and the top of the console table she planned to paint the same color.  I saw the spaces where she creates, where her children sleep, and had coffee in the kitchen where she has hers every morning. 

There is something sacred about inviting someone into your space.  One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, talks about how we have become 'the third place' generation.  We meet in a third place outside of one another's homes usually.  We tend to prefer the coffee shop, out for dinner, or happy hour drinks to gatherings at home.  But, there is something different and more true about meeting in our first places - in our kitchens and living rooms.  Inviting our friends to share coffee at the same table our kids do their homework after school, preparing a little something for them with our own two hands, or like my friend did, stopping by the bakery for two perfectly gooey cinnamon rolls to indulge in together while taking an hour and a half to talk about life.

It's not just that it connects us to each other.  It really does connect us to our truest and humblest selves.  Nothing humbles you like being vulnerable enough to share your dust bunnies and the inside of your fridge with a friend.  We have no choice but to drop our masks and leave perfect at the door, whether we're the one being invited in or the one doing the inviting.  I want my friendships to look more like this; real connection in real ways over simply being willing to let each other in.  So thanks for the coffee Kristin, and for the record, I didn't see one dust bunny and the inside of your fridge was lovely. 

This post is also included in the Gathered Thoughts Link Party.  All participating bloggers have shared a post based on a quote from one of LoveFeast Table's lovely Gathered Thoughts Box.  Head on over to check out the other posts, and enter for your chance to wine a Gathered Thoughts Box of your own or this great spiral journal set.

Refusing to Dance

I am wanting to write more about faith here in this space.  I have all the thoughts and all the feelings about it, and it's a huge part of who I am, but sometimes I'm still looking for the words.  So today, I'm going to borrow the words of this lady, Glennon Doyle Melton from her video with The Work of the People.  I'm going to share this video and just say yes, exactly this!

Wordless Wednesday - I'm Gone

For anyone who has ever worked for a boss who just didn't get it, or left a job that was sucking the soul out of you... 

Fall Bucket List

Happy October! I know in cooler climates, there is talk of fall starting in September with its apples, and its sweatshirts, and its chill.  But, in the desert, October is what we wait for.  It's what we say to each other sympathetically to remind ourselves to be strong.  It's what we hold out hope for in August and September.  We survive the ridiculous summer to get to...October.  October means we can open windows at the bookends of the day. The temperatures are down and our spirits up, because we can go for morning and evening walks, and are not panting and dehydrated just from unloading groceries. 

The other night, Mr. Ladd lit tealights in mason jars and a big candle that smells like leaves to entice me outside, promising it was nice out.  We sat on the patio, finally breathing in some crisp air, and breathing out big sighs of relief.  We chatted and sampled multiple pumpkin beers, trying to decide what our favorite was.  I grabbed a light blanket, and Buddy burrowed underneath it, but I stubbornly kept my bare feet out, because they were cold, and I liked it.

Fall in Arizona is definitely not what it is back in Wisconsin, but we can drive to the mountains for a more traditional definition of autumn, or create it ourselves in the valley.  So fallification is in full swing around these parts.  I am making homemade pumpkin spice flavoring for hot coffee, huffing pumpkin and apple scented everything, and donning everything that sits still long enough with a leaf or a gourd.  So in the apple cinnamon-scented spirit of celebrating the return of double digit temps, here are my goals for this season:

Fall Bucket List

Decorate the house for fall/Halloween

Switch all candles and soaps to fall scents

Drink a hot pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks 

Make my own less fake version of PSL syrup

Discover my favorite pumpkin beer (So far it's Shipyard Pumpkinhead)

Go through my teaching supplies (now that the garage is cooler)

Make pumpkin bread

Plant some potted plants for the fall/winter growing season (yup, we have one of those)

Host our annual Halloween party

 Carve pumpkins

Watch a scary movie (only one, I'm a chicken)

Go camping

Go on a Leaf Hunt

Make this soup, and this chili

Celebrate Falliday

Make some sort of fall craft.  I'm thinking about these cute little guys

Finish a blog facelift, and introduce some new fun projects

Submit an article to an online magazine

Start and finish Christmas shopping before December

Finish my manuscript for that book I'm writing (holy crap)

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go devour a piece of apple pie I made last night from locally grown apples.  Fall can be found in Arizona!

See Ya, Summer!

September is in full swing.  Pumpkin Spice Lattes abound, and Bath and Body Works' delectable fall candles are back in stores.  I am a sucker for seasonal marketing, clearly.  Monday will be the official start of autumn, and even though we are still in triple digit temps for a bit longer, the days are getting shorter. Nights and mornings are cooler, and apple cinnamon is in the air.  So hellish weather aside, summer is coming to an end.  Before I am completely lost in tubs of Halloween decorations from the garage and am drinking my weight in pumpkin ale of all sorts, I thought I would bid one final farewell to Summer with a peek at my bucket list and a wrapping up of memories just to make sure there was nothing else I needed to squeeze in before September 23rd.

Summer Bucket List  

Make rhubarb dessert of some sort

Host a pool party

Head to the mountains and go camping

Eat S'mores

Have a girl's pool day

Go for early morning/late night walk

Sit under the porch during a monsoon

Join a gym - There was a lot of sweating, does that count?

Take a road trip - We cancelled our Jeep trip to Colorado.  Saving the funds.

Organize my teaching supplies - I'm waiting for cooler temps in the garage.

Read a magazine cover to cover

Go to the beach - Didn't happen, and I'm sad about it.

Spend a day on a boat

Swim at night

Watch fireworks

Draw with sidewalk chalk 

Watch National Lampoon's Summer Vacation

Dig in the dirt - I'll do this for some fall planting

Drink an Italian Greyhound cocktail

Catch fire flies

Drive up to Flagstaff for the day- this would be good for leaf hunting anyway

Buy new sunglasses- Christmas present?

Pack a picnic

Spend an entire day with a good book

Drink a beer at a baseball game

17/25 bucket list items crossed off - About 70% of my summer goals accomplished.  Not bad, but I can do better in autumn.  Nothing inspires me like the start of a new season, and fall is one of my favorites, so I'll carry some of these things over to the next bucket list with lots of new pumpkin-y items as well. 

Bye, Summer.  You've overstayed your welcome. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Showing Up Creatively

"If you're not putting yourself out there, somehow risking rejection, you aren't really inspiring. You're performing."  - Jeff Goins 

 

Have you ever been working on your own thing, struggling through some sort of creative endeavor, and just become stuck?  More than stuck actually, paralyzed would be a better word.  I'm writing a book, but lately writing a book consists of generally avoiding my computer, even preferring cleaning the toilet over actually having to face that same troublesome sentence or half-finished chapter one more time.   So by writing a book I mean engaging in lots of negative self-talk, unwarranted criticism and general loathing of every word I type.

Creating something from nothing seems intimidating and like too much pressure, so I hide away.  I don't write, but I also don't cook, decorate, or take pictures.  I avoid making anything that I know I'll just be disappointed with later.  Even though great writing inspires me, when I get like this I don't even read.  I tend to avoid books or articles, especially ones on the same topic that I'm writing about, sure that mine will pale in comparison and they've already said everything I plan to say, only better.  Suddenly everything everybody else has ever written is Pulitzer Prize-worthy and my words are rubbish.  I find myself  amazed at the ability of other writers to finish a sentence or turn a phrase, and the actual completion of an article, blog post, or (gulp) entire book seems like an impossible feat to me.  I wonder, "How'd they do that?" even though I know deep down that they did it the same way I'm avoiding right now.  They did it by sitting down at the computer every day, forcing out one rough thought at a time, being accountable and vulnerable to share crappy writing with other people to get some constructive criticism.   They kept showing up, and they showed up enough times to assemble those thoughts into a finished product, completing what they started.

I get frustrated, knowing these things full well, yet still finding myself unable or unwilling to do them.  But then, weekends like this past one happen - I hang out with my brothers and their band and see them showing up, with migraines and no sleep and very little pay after nine years of trying to make this thing go.  And it's going, slowly but surely, it's going.  They are creating something, and following dreams, and showing up for what they were made to do.

I meet the other band who played with them this weekend and is even earlier on in the journey.  They are showing up after driving across states, in vehicles that need gas and with a baby along for the ride.  But they show up with unbelievable talent and creativity and such an incredible sense of humor and soul that it blows me away. Then they drive 19 hours back to their day jobs.

It wasn't just performing, it was inspiring because I knew what they were risking.  I knew how much work goes into what they do.  I knew they were showing up even when it sucked and they didn't feel like it, or were unsure of what would happen next.  It's easy to hide and not take the risk to create something because someone might be doing it better, or because it might not turn out the way you planned.  But, I'm realizing creativity and inspiration doesn't happen in one brilliant moment of perfection, but in showing up for all the not so brilliant ones consistently, working hard, and putting yourself out there.

I think this process of writing a book is teaching me a lot about showing up.  Thanks Citizen Way and I Am They for helping the lesson along.  You inspire me.

Here's a little video peek of their Arizona mini tour!

Thankful Thursday - Stopping the Sad

I read this fantastic sentence this morning in a guest post by Chrissy on Momastery, one of my very favorite blogs...

"If you survive the circumstances…don’t let the sad get you."

Yes.  I needed this little piece of truth today.  There have been some circumstances lately, and they suck, but the sad sucks more.  We can get through and around and past the circumstances, and in fact they will probably bring exciting new circumstances our way.  But, the sad is what will get you if you let it - where you'll stay stuck in a dizzying circle around your own mind.  So I'm stopping the sad the best way I know how this morning, with a little thankful.  Currently incredibly grateful for...

The most incredible, adorable husband.  I don't know how I was so lucky to nab Mr. Ladd at the age of 15, but I knew even then to hang on tight. 

The kind of neighbors who show up at the door with rhubarb soap as a summer surprise, or share their snuggly new babies and make me feel as if I've always known them.  I love our street.

Family and friends who I cannot wait to see and hug in a cooler, green Midwestern summer soon.

A pool, and friends who bring San Diego strawberries and drink lemonade around it with me.

Our dogs, who are love and acceptance and comfort in fur.

It's Not Fair

There's always a whole lot of "not fair" in the world.  Some weeks, not fair seems to take up residence in your little corner of it, and you are struck with how supremely unjust something seems.  How can this be?  Why me, why us?  The irony of a situation smacks you in the face and coincidence taunts you.

But then things like Monday happen in Oklahoma, and you are reminded that there is no such thing as fair.  Or you're faced with something awful, and suddenly fair doesn't matter.  It can't.  If it did, you would sit in the dark and run circles in your head about the injustice of it all.  Instead it forces you to live, and suddenly beauty becomes more beautiful as you step outside yourself.  You are no longer waiting for something to happen to you or reeling in the dark when it does.  I'm reminded sometimes that things are terrible and beautiful and difficult and magical all at the same time, and it's just actually called life.  I want to live mine with this kind of perspective...

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/9NjKgV65fpo&source=uds

Time To Whoop a Can

Last Sunday, our pastor gave a talk about the need for breathing room in life.  He started with a story of wrestling with his four year old son.  He said one day they were rough housing on the trampoline in the backyard, when his son kneeled on his chest and said, "Dad, now I'm gonna whoop a can on you!"  The little guy had obviously missed some important words in that famous phrase, but his dad got the gist.

He said, there are seasons in life when you just have to "whoop a can." But, he then went on to talk about the need for breathing room.  He defined breathing room as the space between your current pace and your limits.  So often we push ourself to the limits day after day, and his point was that if your "whoop a can" season is more than just a season, it might be time to reevaluate things and give yourself some breathing room.  If you are going and striving and slaving all the time, you are not enjoying your life as you should be, and there is no margin.  You've left no room for relationship and rest, and we can't sustain that.

I could so relate.  A year ago, my life had been all "whoop a can" and no breathing room.  Teaching was taking over my life and leaving me no room for creativity, relationships, or rest.  So, I made a big change.  I walked away from the job I had always loved, but that now wanted more than I was willing to sacrifice, and decided to take a breath and pursue writing full time.

So I've been breathing, and resting, and dreaming and creating.  I breathed myself right into a book project about teaching ironically, and now I actually have to write said book.  I have already learned so much this first month. There are words growing on the page. They're not great yet, but they're words. The process of writing a book is requiring me to find that can that I shoved way deep in a closet, open it, and start the whooping, and it's a challenge. The difference from a year ago though, is that now I have the breathing room and energy to do it. Sometimes you have to let go of some things and breathe for a bit to get to the next big thing.