LADDventure

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The first month of 2016 is over, and It's been 5 months exactly since I've posted here. If you follow me on Instagram, you know it's not because I haven't had things to say, or cute pictures to share. But, mostly it's because I personally have felt a little like I'm drowning, chasing after things that I no longer want to or can. This adoption process has met unexpected obstacle after obstacle, and we've gotten further away from when we thought this would all be over and official. Admittedly, it has been extremely hard for me, and I've gotten a bit lost. In the face of everything being completely out of our control, I've clung to control over things that actually don't matter here at home, and it's exhausting. In reality, nothing has changed in our day to day lives. The girls are doing great. They are securely attached to us and thriving.

In reflecting on this past year, I realize I've been chasing words like normal and perfect and should. I've been focused on getting there and forgotten about the already here. I've chased flawless behavior from my kids over connection and settling in as a family. I've often chased after the future kids I want them to turn into instead of meeting them where they are. I've been chasing my old definitions of normal instead of wading through the mess to find a new normal.

We are at a stage in this adoption journey where we need to move out of survival mode. It was necessary for a while, and even sheltering as we focused on the logistics of becoming instant parents to two little girls. But, survival mode takes its toll. It has left me tired, heavy, and unhealthy. I'm stressed, with knots in my neck and my stomach. It's hard for me to focus or create. I feel overwhelmed and bored all at the same time. I feel angry and panicky more often than I'd like. As a wife I feel resentful and selfish. I have a caring, hard-working, amazing husband who I'm having a hard time connecting with and communicating with in our new roles as parents. My house is more cluttered and disorganized than I'd like, but I'm unmotivated to do even simple upkeep tasks at times. I don't feel like I'm using my gifts and talents creatively or as a mother. I'm not writing, creating, or leading confidently. My half of the podcast is hanging on by the seat of its pants usually, and my blog has withered.

I took January to reflect and reset, and after a personal retreat this month...

I feel motivated to make some changes. I'm looking forward to growing in 2016 in my enjoyment and confidence as a mother and in personal health. At 80 I want to be a grandmother who is healthy and active enough to connect with grandkids and great grandkids with sass, spunk, and a sense of humor. I want my kids gathered around my table telling stories of a childhood filled with structure, yes. But also warmth and humor and honesty.

So I've chosen a word for the year - PEACE. No matter what happens in the adoption process (this could get way harder before it gets easier) or whatever else 2016 throws at us, I need to find peace. My goals for 2016 are broad overall but specific around that one word. This year I want to focus on getting peace, being at peace personally, and making peace for my family. I will be writing more about what that looks like for me in the months to come, and thank you for reading along with me.

Nightstand Reviews - Best of 2013

I joined a book club this year, and I couldn't love it more.  It encourages me to read at least one book every month, and often they are books I may not have heard of or otherwise read on my own.  It's also inspired me to read books I've been meaning to read for a long time, but just never gotten around to.  The conversation once a month with fellow book loving ladies is good for my brain and my soul. 

Reading also fuels me as a writer.  It's food for thought and creativity, and I read fast and furiously, so I'd love to share some with you.  Most of them did not come out in 2013, that's just when I got around to reading them, so without further ado, here are the best of the books I read in 2013.  Click on the covers to read more about each one.

Best Book Club Book

 

Some of my fellow book club members may disagree, but I just loved this book.  It's set in the 1920's, and is the story of a young lumber ticoon and his wife, who is one of the best evil characters you will ever meet.  The story has great pacing and mystery that keeps you turning pages.  An added bonus, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence will be starring in the movie due out this year.

Book Club Honorable Mention:  And the Mountains Echoed, and The 19th Wife

 

Best Memoir

Shauna Niequist is my all time favorite writer.  I reviewed her newest book here when it came out, and even got to be a recipe tester for the project.  This memoir/recipe collection tells the story of faith and food and the people we love, and how they all work together. It now has a place on my kitchen counter, and her lentil soup and blueberry crisp are in the regular rotation at my house.

Memoir Honorable Mention:  Carry On Warrior, Sober Mercies, The Glass Castle

 

Best Book That's Now a Movie

People either seem to think this book was life-changing, or they don't at all get what the fuss is about.  I am in the life-changing camp!  This book is just brilliant, and one of those rich stories you can't stop thinking about.  It's the story of Leisel Meminger, a foster-child in 1939 Nazi Germany, and has so much to say about life and death, compassion, family and friendship.  It's just stunning - one of my Top 10 of all time.  I haven't seen the movie yet, but you have to read the book first.  I'm a stickler for that, so I'm often motivated to read a book when I hear the movie is coming out.

Books That Are Now Movies Honorable Mention:  Labor Day, Gone Girl, The Spectacular Now (this is one of those rare ones for me where the book was good, but the movie actually made it better)

Best Nonfiction

I read this book before giving it to our family along with the announcement that we are adopting, and it was such an informative easy to read book.  It honestly but gently informs families and friends of adoptive families what they can expect, and how to best support adoptive parents as they go through the process.  I learned a lot from it and found it so helpful.

Nonfiction Honorable Mention:  Bully Nation and The End of Molasses Classes

 

 

Currently On My Nightstand

What are you reading right now?  What was the best book you read last year?  I'm always looking for a good book recommendation, so I'd love to hear from you in the comments about your favorite reads!

 

Wrapping Up 2013

I know I'm two weeks into 2014, but since I'm still finding bits of tinsel and glitter everywhere and cramming lone forgotten decorations back into holiday tubs in the garage without fully taking off the lid and disturbing the stack, I thought I would share.  A couple weeks ago, I ran across this post by Crystal at The Art of Simple about making a list after the holidays of things that worked well and made your holiday more enjoyable and peaceful, as well as a list of things that didn't go so well, and what you would do differently next time. She then suggested to put it in with your holiday decorations so you would see it right away the following year as you haul everything out and begin the hustle and bustle.  You'll be instantly reminded of what worked and what made you want to punch people in the throat.

I love the idea of being mindful and intentional about such things, and have added my list to my garage tubs, tucked away safely until next year to make the holiday a little less crazy and a little more meaningful.  So, while I'm remembering what was magical and what was just plain stressful about the holidays, I thought I would do a little Year in Review about life in 2013.  It was a big one.

January 2013 - I chose my word for the year, "intention."  I can't get over how much I've learned about being intentional this year, and all the things on that list that have actually happened!  We joined a small group to get to know some people at church, and those friends have quickly become some of my favorite people on the planet!

February 2013 - My brothers' band, Citizen Way went on their first big tour, and I interviewed them about it.  Then one of them turned 30, and I made up some pretty hilarious Hey Girl memes for Mr. Ladd in honor of Valentine's Day.

March 2013 - My mom and dad visited from Wisconsin, and my mom had a birthday while they were here.  I shared some homey things like how to host a house guest, and my Google Map masterpieces.

April 2013 - I found out my idea was accepted and I would be writing a book!  My brothers' first album from Citizen Way, Love is the Evidence was released!  Mr. Ladd and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary with an awesome weekend trip to Cottonwood.

May 2013 - I appreciated some teachers, and found some new favorite things

June 2013 - We went camping in Crown King, and found ways to deal with lots of sad, hard news.

July 2013 - We had a pool party on THE hottest day of the year with an easy, tasty dessert, and then spent some time in a much cooler Wisconsin with friends and family. 

August 2013 - I launched my new website, The Candid Teacher.  I also started sharing more openly about our struggles with infertility and future plans for our family.  Mr. Ladd turned 34 and I listed 34 things I love about that guy.

September 2013 - I learned a big lesson about inspiration and showing up creatively, and we started to say  goodbye to summer finally.

October 2013 - I ate my weight in all things apple and pumpkin, and worked hard to create our faux fall, and I started The Photo Challenge Next Door.  We also hosted our annual Halloween party, which was a hoot.

November 2013 - We had a great trip to cabin with friends in Heber, and then on our own a different weekend in Pinetop, and fully enjoyed the mountains this November.  We also hosted Thanksgiving with some family and friends at our house.  I will never tire of turkey on the grill.

December 2013 - We decked the halls, hosted our small group Christmas party, I didn't blog at all (yikes...), went back to Wisconsin for an early Christmas with my family, and I turned 33.  We had a quiet Christmas Eve and Day at home, and I made Beef Wellington for Christmas dinner (it needs to be noted).  After that, we hosted an Arizona Christmas with his side of the family, and had pajama New Years with these lovely people once again.  Whew!

I also joined a book club in May, which I love to pieces, and it makes me want to read all the books ever written. So, I'm working on my 2013 What I'm Reading post for next week with all my latest reading recommendations. 

Have a great weekend!

 

New Year, New Look, What's Next?

Happy 2104 everyone!  I know I've been absent here at LADDventure for a while, and for a few good reasons:

1.  Holidays, hosting, hustle. Enough said.

2.  A book.  The first draft of my book is done, and my manuscript is being polished up and sent off this week for review!  Revisions, designing, editing, and ongoing promotion will be the next steps.  Candid Classroom:  What Parents Want to Know & Teachers Want to Tell Them (yup, we have a title folks!) is due out in April.  Stay up to date on book news over at The Candid Teacher.

3.  A makeover!  This space was in desperate need of a fresh new look, so I've been hard at work to move the blog from Blogger to Typepad and give it a face lift.  I've repaired my dysfunctional relationship with Photoshop, and we are starting over together to bring you a redesign, and a much more functional blog.  What do you think?  Click around, comment, and enter your email address, so you always get updated when a new post is ready.  Besides having other things going on, I've truthfully not wanted to spend a lot of time here because it was ugly, but now it's pretty and inspiring! My head is full of post ideas and new directions for LADDventure, so be expecting lots more in this personal space in the near future.

Speaking of the future, I have some thoughts on 2014.  I don't typically stick to resolutions very well, so I've decided to start picking one word instead - a theme really for the year.  Resolutions are easily broken, but one word can be a guidepost.  I use it as a benchmark and a reminder of how I want to live out the year.  So my word for this year...

I have done lots of thinking about what I want 2014 to look like, and I feel like I have a lot of big things coming up.  With big things comes the tendency to get overwhelmed and discouraged by the enormity of it all.  But, I've found I'm most proud of myself in handling big things when I'm just focusing on the very next thing; taking things one step at a time and doing the next thing that's in front of me. 

I want to focus on doing the next small task toward the book and any other creative projects.  I want to make the next right food or activity choice instead of falling on and off the weight loss wagon.  I want to do the next right thing in terms of being a better wife, friend, sister. 

Most of all this year, I want to take the next steps toward starting a family one step at a time because, we have some news...

photo credit Gretchen Wakeman

We have officially started the process to adopt (hopefully two siblings) from the foster care system, and are both nervous and thrilled.  It feels good to have decided on a definite direction, and while we are super excited, we know there will be many questions and challenges along the way.  So, my personal goal is to take one step at a time, and not be overwhelmed by the process.  I want to just focus on the very next step in front of us, as it comes, to bring our future kids home.  Tomorrow I'll be sharing some more details about where we are in the process, how we told our families, and what's next! 

2014 is going to be a huge year!

WAIST Management - Week 1 - Starting Over

Current Weight:  184.6

Weight Lost This Week:  1.7 pounds 

Total Weight Lost: 1.7 pounds

September 30th was the last time I posted a WAIST Management update, and probably the last time I payed much attention to eating healthy.  Then October began, as did my eating like I was preparing for hibernation.  The cooler weather and my need to create Autumn wherever I could, resulted in many a hearty casserole and pumpkin baked good.  Then of course came the Halloween candy, the Thanksgving carbs, and the Christmas cookies, and I was right back where I started on this weight loss thing - 186.3 pounds on New Years Day.  

I know it's cliche and even a bit irritating to be on the "dieting bandwagon" this time of year, fueled for most by breakable resolutions and unrealistic expectations.  But, I started this journey back in June, so I'm just rekindling the flame in the New Year and following through.  Sometimes you need a reset button, so I'm taking it.   


Here's how I lost 1.7 pounds this first week of 2013:

1.  Tracking food choices, exercise, and even habits and routines in Weight Watchers.  I just do the online version, no meetings, and it really does work when I'm sticking to it.  They have a great app that makes it easy to track on my phone or ipad, and it's just about being mindful of what you're eating.  No forbidden food.  I think they usually have specials running to join this time of year, and I highly recommend it. Let me know if you do sign up, and we can encourage each other!

2.  Getting rid of the not so healthy food choices that took over my fridge and pantry during the holidays (I'm looking at you potato chips, and you too Candy Cane Jo-Jos).  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with an occasional treat, as long as you are balancing them with better food choices.  But the problem is, I am never going to choose an orange over a candy bar.  It's just not going to happen.  The candy bar will always sound better, so if I don't have it in the house while I'm trying to make those choices, I eliminate the dilemma for myself.

3.  Mr. Ladd is trying to get healthier too. He works out religiously, but has fallen into some of the same food habits that I have over the last few months and wants to refocus.  So it's been nice to try out some new lighter recipes with him this week and cheer each other on.  It's not impossible to lose weight when your spouse is not making healthy choices, but it does add a layer of difficulty since you often eat together.  So Mr. Ladd and I aiming toward the same goal has been a big help.  Hopefully some of his working out habits might start to rub off on me too.  

What resolutions regarding your health did you make this year?  How are they going so far?

Five Minute Friday - Opportunity

I stumbled upon this little gem today on Jen's blog.  The goal is to write for 5 minutes on a prompt, without stopping and then hit publish and link up with other writers who are doing the same.  It's the kind of writing exercise I would have given my students in the past, just to encourage free thought and getting ideas down on paper.  But too often, I am editing things in my brain before a word has been typed.  So I think it's just the thing I need.  Since I still have 45 minutes of writing to get in today to stay true to my intent to write from 9-noon every weekday, might as well.
Here goes:

Opportunity

 The tree has fulfilled its Christmas destiny, and the pine needles have been vacuumed up.  Today, I will take down the garland and the snowmen, and full tubs of Christmas cheer will be hauled back in to the garage tonight.  It is always a little bit sad to say goodbye to the red and the jingle bells and the glitter, but the New Year is always an opportunity for a fresh start.

I know it's just a day like any other, but January 1st is a good excuse to reflect and resolve.  We need those kind of days I think.  We will just keep going otherwise with habits and the routines without a reset button.  The calander pages will keep turning, and we will be stuck in our ways for better or worse.

So, while 2013 is still fresh, I will take the opportunity.  I will sweep up, fold and put away and look for ways to be better, not because I'm inadequate, but because I believe in being the best version of myself. 

Time's up!  I'd love to see what you come up with in 5 minutes.  Link up over here:

Thankful Thursday - New Year

Given my motto for 2013 - being intentional about life, a Thankful Thursday is fitting.  It's about taking a minute to purposely reflect on what I'm thankful for, and give myself some instant perspective.  How's that for intentional?  So today, here's what I'm loving:

A growing,loud,wonderfully weird family to have spent the holidays with, and new traditions that made it easier for so much more time with them - less rushing, more lingering, puppy kisses and laughing.

Kissing this guy at midnight on New Years for the 16th time

Great friends to celebrate with, who understand that pizza and pajamas are the best way to ring in

     the New Year sometimes

Learning the secret to making a great old-fashioned

Chilly, frosty nights in Arizona.  Winter is something to be enjoyed around here, preferrably

     with slippers and red wine,  heat lamps and layers while it lasts.

2013 - The Year of Intention

This blog exists to remind me to live life and then document said life with adventurous intention.  2012 was The Year of New.  It was about taking leaps, pulling triggers, and starting over.  I'm getting good at that part, the bright shiny new part.  I am good about diving in, closing my eyes and just ripping off the band-aid.  I've talked before about tending to be an all or nothing kind of girl.  I make grand proclamations and passionately rearrange my life seeking adventure and being repulsed by the fearful and wimpy in myself and others.  So, being intentionally adventurous is starting to come naturally.

But, there is another side to that life motto.  It's having adventurous intention.  Daring to be intentional about life, to do things on purpose.  Not to live unconsciously, but to make day to day decisions to create the life you want to live.  Now, this part has been more than a little hard for me.  It's not nearly as sexy and exciting as the adventurous part.  This part requires daily habits, discipline, and follow through (curses). 

So if last year was about the adventurous - changing careers, trying something new, stepping outside my comfort zone - this year, 2013 will be about the intentional. I want be mindful of intention in all areas of life.  So instead of a whole bunch of resolutions, I will stick to that overarching goal.  Here's what I'm thinking that will look like:

Being intentional about writing:

• Write from 9-12 every morning Monday-Friday, you know, like it's my job.
• Finish the children's book I started, and put other book ideas to paper.
• Post on the blog at least 5 times a week, and take this online class about blog design, so I can move my blog to the next level.

Being intentional about family:

• Plan regular date nights with Mr. Ladd. I know it sounds cliche, but they make a difference. 
• Develop a clear direction for starting a family, and then walk in that direction.
• Follow through on those good ideas I have about nice things I can do for friends/family.

Being intentional about health:

• Find a regular doctor.
• Lose weight by using Weight Watchers and getting back to my Waist Management goals.
• Get some sort of exercise every day.  Yes, even when it's 100 degrees, and I decide it's too hot to even sneeze.

Being intentional about my appearance:

• Put on some sort of makeup every day and wash it off every night before bed.  I am getting too old for the fresh face look, and also too old to not take good care of my skin.
• Dress for the day I want to have, not the one that's trying to have me.  Thanks abbyleigh.
• Make the messy bun the hair exception and not the rule. Yes, even when it's 100 degrees.  I can be more creative than that.

Being intentional about photography:

• Follow through on the DSLR photography class I took, and applying the info by taking said DSLR off of automatic mode (gasp).
• Fix my dysfunctional relationship with Photoshop.
• Figure out an organization/storage/printing system that works for us, so it's easier to share and enjoy the photos.

Being intentional about faith:

• Go regularly to the church we really do love.
• Get involved in some way to meet people.
• Read and write more about growing spiritually.

Being intentional about home:

•  Develop and stick to some sort of house upkeep schedule
• Make our bed every day.  I'm starting to believe that's the catalyst to all things productive for the rest of the day.
• Find a place for everything, and put everything in its right place.

It may all seem like a lot, and I could make all of those things into individual resolutions, but really if I just keep my focus on living life with intention and purpose they all make sense.

So here's to 2013 - The Year of Intention!  What are your goals, resolutions or mottos for 2013?

2012 - The Year of New

I'm back! I think the teacher in me is still used to a long Christmas break of doing nothing particularly productive.  So, I've been absent from writing  (among other things like laundry or anything else that didn't sound festive).

But, I wished for presence this holiday season, and I got it. I was present on a 12 day trip back to Wisconsin for an early Christmas with my family; present in a quiet Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in our house for the first time at home in Arizona, just the two of us! Can you tell I thought it lovely?  Then I was present playing hostess to Jeremiah's family right after that for our Christmas with them.

So now that the cookies are gone (mercifully), the guest beds are empty, and the world is returning to normal...I am left to linger in 2012 for one last day and reflect. It can be all too easy when the tree needles are falling and the house is quiet again to jump into resolutions, and what you need to get done or be better at.  While I love the opportunity for a fresh start and improvement after cleaning up the tinsel (Does anyone still decorate with tinsel?), I don't want to miss the chance to ponder all that has happened this year.  Resolutions without reflection on where you are and how you got there seem kind of pointless to me.

So, I have dubbed this past year, 2012, the Year Of New for the following reasons...

New Career

This was by far the biggest of the new things that happened this year.  After a very difficult 2011-2012 school year, I needed a change, not just a job change or school change, but a chance to work at something new; a chance to pour all that energy into other pursuits, myself, and my family.  So we decided that I would not sign a contract for the following year and that I would take an indefinite break from teaching to pursue writing full time.  It was not an easy decision, and it has been an adjustment, but I can honestly say I have not regretted that decision once, and feel so incredibly lucky to do what I do every day.


New Health

With the career change, came major changes in my health.  I started seeing a chiropractor back around the time I decided to quit teaching.  She helped me realize that I needed adjustments in more areas than one, and just how much stress was contributing to very poor habits and poor overall health.  I now have very few migraines, get 8-9 hours of sleep a night, and literally have not been sick one time since I started going to the chiropractor back in March.  While there is much room for improvement and other health goals, I am happy about taking control of my stress and finding some peace and balance in 2012.


New Adventures

We invested in our new favorite hobby, modifying our Jeep to turn it into a bit of an off-road beast.  So, we hit the Rubicon Trail in California for our summer vacation this year.  We got really dirty, climbed huge boulders, almost got eaten by a bear, and it was awesome.

I went to my first blogging conference, BlogHer '12, in New York City for the first time by myself.  Still processing everything I learned about blogging and myself on that trip.

I got my first tattoo with my sister on her visit out to AZ in February.

New Friends

We are getting to the point where we are really getting to know the many acquaintances we first met when we moved here, and growing some friendships.  I'm looking at you bloggy buddy and next door neighbor :-)


New House Stuff

With extra time for creativity, the interior of our house that we've now lived in for 3 years is finally starting to shape up.  What was a glorified hallway of a front room is now full and inviting, and finishing touches like rugs and curtains are falling into place in the rest of the house.


New Niece News

Aidee Asuncion Luis was born on November 6th this year and I got to spend some snuggly newborn time with her.

Also, 3 of our other nieces started kindergarten this fall, and this former kindergarten teacher of an aunt can't get enough of their first day of school pictures and school stories.  I know full well how magical that year is for learning.


New Focus

We have begun really focusing on starting a family this year.  We're not sure exactly what that will look like just yet, but we know we both want a loud holiday table of our own someday filled with kids and grandkids, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Stay tuned.

Tomorrow I'll be back with some goals for 2013, but tonight we are celebrating the end of a great year with great friends.  There will be homemade pizza, pajamas, and champagne.  

Happy New Year everyone!